Aaand you are?

Have you ever had anyone ask you… “Who are you… really?” Not to say that you wear a mask or hide behind a personality (or several)… orrrr you might but the deeper point is, what is the state of your identity.  It’s the knowing who we are part that determines what the SELF Esteem does.

Back in the day, I once knew this fiiiine older man, a 6-foot tall, brown skinned Trinidadian.  When he spoke, SPLOOSH.  Though I kept mine contained I could see the women all around swooning as he talked.  You should’ve seen their husbands, lol… how many times did I want to say, “Green doesn’t look good on you.”  So, when Frank made a comment about my nose ring… “Guhl, why wouldya do that to ya face?” He proceeded to say that his wife wears no make-up and is naturally beautiful.  I thought “Yeah… so, what’s your point?” “If I had met you before I met her, I wouldn’t have even taken a 2nd look at you.  To do something so drastic must mean you have low self-esteem.” (#oldschool). Although I wanted to argue with him about the low self-esteem thing… I was stuck for real when he asked me “Who are you really?”  Number one, he caught me off-guard and secondly I was going through a really tough time in my life. And I hated, hated, hated being single, a single parent raising 3 children.    

I wonder if he would’ve backed down if I told him “I am a child of the Most High God.” But what does that really mean?  I know now, but then was I tired of being rejected and alone (#noBae). The person that I was seeing at the time was separated but not divorced, which was frowned upon in my circles. Eventually he told me “I can’t be your god” as he was breaking up with me.  And I thought “What the f^%$ does that mean?” In short he was saying… I can’t be everything that you need, it’s too much.  Was I smothering him? Did I need him near me every minute of the day?  IDK, but I always believed this was his poisonous female friend twisting what she saw because she herself wanted him? Either way, this all lead me on a journey to discover who I was in truth… and why I was sucking the life out of my guy.

Listen, we have talked about the “vacuum need” thing in previous posts (see Featured Posts).  This type of brokenness drives a person to suck, and suck and suck from their environment to fill in missing pieces of their psyche. And they often do outrageous things to “make themselves feeeel better” like partying a lot, tattoos and piercings… Quite simply they go outside of themselves to get what can only be found on the inside.  Physical things can not satisfy spiritual needs. (#Looking for love in all the wrong places). So in a sense, The Guy was right. You can’t plug a man into the “God-shaped” void and think you are going to be satisfied… “man” is only human. And just one of the benefits of actually knowing God is He will tell you about, show you - the real you. But you can’t shove off all the responsibility and work onto God.  You have to do the SELF-work of discovering/re-discovering your SELF. The Pproblem is many of us have just DONE life to the point that we haven’t actually taken time for SELF.  We give everything to everyone else and starve our own souls, almost to the point of death.  Look at yourself in the mirror and say… “To know me is to love me.” Know, your own SELF and fall in  love with you.  You’ve heard it a thousand times, whose gonna love you if you don’t love your SELF? And it rings true… you CAN NOT love anyone else UNTIL you love your own SELF.

Who am I? What’s your answer? Are you more than what we see? Why? What is your worth based on? What are your God-given gifts and talents?  What’s your purpose… everyone has them. Aaaand what are you DOING with them?  Don’t feel bad if you don’t have the answers right at this moment. This is my little push for BE “all in” this SELF DEVELOPMENT journey. Step #1) Answer the door to your heart,  God is knocking, and boy does He have some STUFF to tell you!

Need help answering the questions, I got you, CLICK HERE.

Coming Out

I am a huge Superman fan. And there never was a Superman like Christopher Reeves. Don’t get me wrong Henry Cavil has my heart but, when you think of the man of steel… you can’t help but go back to Christopher. One of my most favorite scenes is when he was struggling to tell Lois Lane that he was more than the stumbling bumbling, stuttering all thumbs dude she knew. Beneath the corporate suit and glasses lay a treasure beyond measure.

Aaaaand that’s exactly how I feel when I wake up each morning, slap the snooze a couple of times before rolling out of the bed to clock in a “someone else’s” vision of the dream job. As an entrepreneur it’s harder than that… But I realize timing is everything… well that and using the wisdom to know when that time to move (!) has arrived.

Have you ever stepped out too quickly and things just didn’t work out. I have. Despite all the hoping and wishing and hard work, things just didn’t go the way I had hoped (sounds like most of my dating life, lol.) What a crushing blow that is. But even good can come from “seemingly” bad things. Did you know that a step backwards can actually be the way forward? Or … this may bake your noodle, actually sitting down instead of stepping out, may actually be the best way to proceed. OK, that may sound like mumbo jumbo to some of you all… but rock with me for just a moment.

Did you know that there is a realm, a dimension, a place that things exist but cannot be seen? Just because a thing cannot be seen, doesn’t mean it’s imaginary. But here’s the thing about imagination, we imagine our SELF living the life. We want to be actors and actresses, billionaires, maybe somewhere else in another (more beautiful) body. And then we live a sort of dissatisfied life because we feel like it’ll never happen or our efforts aren’t getting us fast enough. A dream or a “I hope with all my might” will always be fantasy until you take steps to get yourself there.

The reality, though, is some of our hopes and dreams were not meant for us. I know its a hard pill to swallow… ya might can sing, but you may never be an Ariana Grande or John Legend. But that’s not to say that you can’t rock the lane you were built for. You just have to find it. Yep and I’mma say it again, the way the picture begins to take form is by truly knowing who you are… not what “Momma nem” say, or your friends even… you have to get somewhere quiet and be alone with your SELF, hear your thoughts, dare I say, get to know your SELF. And knowing takes time, lots of time. If you want to find your destiny, learn what you were made for and a place to start… pick up my book 4SELF 101, there are some questions in there that draws your mind to the right place that helps you focus on the deeper issues.

Or don’t take my word for it. There are books and books out there that tells in great length how a journey or path lead them to their destiny. If you like to read, Check out this site:

https://iyde.org/blog/how-to-find-meaning-in-life/?gclid=CjwKCAiAsYyRBhACEiwAkJFKon1H3kAmr5h69FNJD_t1AEJeqboH-YJqiFYELjkWrHd6yb6HiPoOEBoCtB0QAvD_BwE

My point is, don’t just sit and dream find a way to explore the possibilities. As you step out, seek wisdom, (and pray) journal, and don’t be paralyzed by the fact you’ve failed before, the timing may have not been right. But if you desire never goes away… there is a reason why. Don’t worry so much about “arriving” … just take a step. After all, a journey of a thousand miles starts with what… one step at a time. Besides, going to a place you’ve never been does take faith. And this is where faith and opportunity come together.

New Season

I can’t believe February is almost over! Next week I’ll be paying rent again. Its funny how arrival of the first is tied to “bills due.” I have a life-long friend who struggled for years with finances. I mean it was baaaaad. I hurt with her through the struggles of not being able to pay rent, having to move several times and hiding the car so it wouldn’t be repossessed. It’s not so much that they (her and her husband) didn’t have the finances to pay rent, and their car note… sometimes they didn’t (#robbing Peter to pay Paul.) And let me say, this is remarkably familiar to my own experience. In fact, almost everyone I know, certainly my siblings and children, have all had at least one car repossessed (well except Bri.)

But my point is, and I told my Naddie, (#bestfriend) you give money too much power. Now we both know that she is capable of managing her budget… but her husband, who I love dearly, had a “Smeagol” (Lord of the Ring) type control over their money…. “My preccccccious.” I mean it was (and still may be) horrifying. But I think he’s gotten better as his faith in God and in his wife has increased. Not that the money was mismanaged… but he had a fetish for DVDs and not sharing the financial information. Oh, and she tried and tried to get him to unclamp but always ended up frustrated and in tears. I get it, I want control of my own money and I don’t want anyone telling me what I should and shouldn’t do with it. BUT,  I am single. Becoming one, is the point of marriage. So, what’s yours and what’s mine should be ONE or at least transparency and cooperation should guide negotiations. Did you know FINANCES is one of the top three reasons marriages fail.

I believe the spirit of SMEAGAL is present when you’ve been traumatized by lack and have the fear of being without. It causes a sort of compulsion to control and do whatever “you gotta do” to hang onto what you have. It makes you feel like if you’re too loosey goosey with your money, or if you don’t maintain control all will be lost, and you’ll end up in that world of hurt again. (That’s called an inner vow.)  You promise yourself not to repeat the sins of the father.

Scooch up close and listen to me, EVEN IF YOU’VE LIVED IN GENERATIONAL POVERTY, money is not the end all, be all solution for happiness! I know, I know… been there done that, but like anything else the power is yours to change your circumstances. If you’re sick and tired of “being broke,” stop doing what you’ve always done… change it up. Learn about money and fix your attitude about it. And for goodness sakes (!) stop spending your income tax check on STUFF and learn to save your money. Start small. First learn to TELL YOURSELF NO and make a budget. Set reachable (S.M.A.R.T.) goals and stick to ‘em. Once you accomplish money goals, it will get easier AND you will feel good about self. If money “burns a hole in your pocket” don’t carry cash (and leave the debit card at home.)  Money is a unit of exchange, it comes, and money goes. Think of it as an energy. If all you do is WORRY about “being broke,” that is what you attract to yourself… brokenness. But if you are thankful for what you have, which is a gift from above, and realize the ability to meet your budget (and pay what you can) is blessing… it will come more readily. Why… shifting your praise to The Source, and off the OLE MIGHTY DOLLAR opens doors for more... more provision, more gifts, more opportunities. Its ok to love money, just don’t serve it (like a god)… it should serve you. And if you don’t know how that could work… read a book, access YouTube, a blog or Podcast.

So, what does a new season have to do with money. The Christmas/New Years season is just over… winter is on its way out. In fact, it’s raining now, even as we connect. You know what rain does, it washes away the muck and dross. It satisfies the thirsty ground and waters planted seeds. It brings new life. And do I need to say, it’s a gift from above, especially where there’s been famine and drought. The season is changing… be ready for it. Leave the past and be ready to move forward. Remember doing the same old things and expecting something new to happen is the definition of insanity. You want things to change… you change.

Suggested financial literacy resources:

Websites

MoneyMavericks.com, MyMoney.gov, khanacademy.org, www.daveramsey.com

Podcasts

Stacking Benjamins, The Dave Ramsey Show, His and Her Money, The Fairer Cents, The Truth About Money with Ric Edelman

Favorite Books: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity by Catherine Pounder, and Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kyosaki

Also see my book 4SELF 101  (Chapter 9: Money, Money, Money)

Valentines Alone

What do you do on February 13th, the night before Valentine's Day and it’s cold and you find yourself alone again? Lying in the bed, looking up at the ceiling you realize, whelp… it’s going to be another lonely Valentine’s Day.

First of all, this is the OPTIMUM time to “love on” yourSELF! Nobody knows what floats your boat like you do. What makes you giggle under your breath, what songs make you dance (like nobody’s looking), what smells take you back to the best parts of your childhood. If you are alone, you don’t have to have that stabbing pang … just think about those people who you really loves you. And acknowledge it (out loud if you have to) YOU ARE LOVED!

I spent so many years hating life because I didn’t have anyone (a mate) to share it with. I was waiting until I had “someone” to do things with and so I lonely and bored. (The real tragedy was that I had my loving kids around me, but that wasn’t enough,hhhhhhhh, smh.) I didn’t always agree with my Momma, but she said, “If you want things done right, do it yourself.” And in this case, that is really good advice. But… and here’s an important key, don’t be resentful and close off your heart, because you never know who you might meet, or what opportunities may bump into you. If you believe no one is coming, you’re right. If you don’t love your life, you have the power to change it. Being “in the moment” makes my heart blaze. I don’t mean just showing up, I saying BE (be fully alive!) Be inquisitive, be joyous and smile, be light-footed, have big eyes, and use all your senses to experience the moment. I mean after all, not everyone woke up this morning. And by the way, tomorrow is not promised.

You want someone to rub your feet, get a pedicure. Want a massage, go to “Massage Envy” or some other little spa. Wanna feel loved call your Mom, or bestie, or Aunt, or Grandmother to talk, or even better go visit them and get a big. Or take a trip. Don’t just sit at home depressed. DO SOMETHING. Not having the money is a real excuse… I know, but you get a tax return. Instead of buying that new television or car plan in advance to give yourSELF the queen/king treatment on Valentines Day. If you don’t have an intimate mate, love on yourSELF - get a toy. Ooops, did I say that? I sure did. It’s better than going to a club and having a one-night stand or giving it up to someone who doesn’t really want you. Love yourSELF, cater to yourSELF, spoil yourSELF and ENJOY YOUR LIFE (don’t wait.) If after that and you’re still aren’t happy - PRAY AND ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU JOY. Joy is different from “happy” because happy depends on what’s happening. Joy is a god-spark that bubbles up on the inside… and no one can take it from you.

Get somewhere and look around. You will quickly realize someone is always worse off than you. And then be thankful for the good things in your life. If you are “a believer” believe and speak into existence what’s not now as though it already was. If you stick with God then even the what seems bad is working for your good. And the promise is - beyond the darkness a sunrise is coming. Just keep living. If no has ever told you… there is a gift of love, an eternal, unconditional, forever burning, love available to you. God IS loves and he has the hots for you! He served of His Son’s life in exchange for yours… even when you weren’t on His trip, hoping that you would except His gift (gifts) and live a HappyLife with Himself. Now people sacrafice for other’s all the time, but then they EXPECT this or that. They don’t give you a choice, but God does. Whether you Take it or Leave it, it doesn’t diminish Who He is. Feeling unloved… try God. I love all the blessings He showers us with, air, sunlight, rain - even things I feel like I got on my own… my job, home, car. He set it all up and let me take credit. Let’s not talk about the new supply of grace and mercies that comes everyday… I’m telling you, that’s real LOVE! And this love is the source of that kinda bubbling up joy that stays with you, to Valentines Day and beyond. Its a forever kinda thing.

So, uhhhh, the world can keep their “Lover’s” day … I’m so good right now and you can be too  (#single #strong and happy #LOVED)!!!!  If you’re in a space that you can’t get out of, CLICK HERE, I’m the best coach for that.

The Benefits of Wearing a Mask

There is too much controversy over whether we should wear masks or not during “this Pandemic.” You hear arguments that are in favor of wearing a mask in confined indoor spaces to protect from “airborne pathogens” and then there are several others that say the masks either don’t work or that they negatively impact respiratory systems.

To  be quite honest, the invent of COVID isn’t the first occurrence where people depend on wearing masks. Folks have been doing that for years. Yeah, you know where I’m going. SELF-development, SELF-esteem, SELF-Confidence… do you know the difference between character and personality? Character is the morality, traits, convictions of the inner-person and personality is what the individual wants the world to see (outward-ness) aka- The Mask.

I recently finished “Will” (Penguin Press, 2021) by Will Smith. And I realize sometimes you don’t really know if someone is presenting their genuine self or whether they are serving up “a representative,” what they think you need to accept them. The crazy thing is they don’t always KNOW that’s what they’re doing until you challenge them. The persona is usually a carefully crafted suit one puts together piece by piece until they are covered right. Who would think, Will Smith’s comedic flow/timing/genius were crafted for his protection? He said, and I paraphrase, “If people were laughing someone is not getting hurt.”

When I think of actors who live for applause, I realize that they aren’t much different from “PEOPLE PLEASERS” except they get paid … well the truth of the matter is, they both get paid. Actors get paid with a check and people pleasers get an intellectual/emotional pay-off. People often “dress it up” “be on their best behavior” serve up the “Representative” in order to “seal the deal” and then when everybody is comfortable, out comes the genuine article. Scooch up close and let me whisper to that person a little sum-sum…THAT’S LYING!!!

And the reason it’s usually NOT OK, when the truth comes out is because nobody likes being deceived. People who fall in love with the mask, are like “he/she changed!.”  No, uh no they didn’t. This is just the REAL PERSON, who finally felt secure enough to take off their covering.  If you’ve ever fallen sucker to the “bait and switch” just know, EVERYBODY is broken in one way or another.  They’re stuff is no worse than your stuff… unless they’re just out there slaying folks on purpose.

I used to be a people pleaser. I needed people that I liked to like me back, and I absolutely needed people to understand where I was coming from… I was overly “nice” and super sensitive, always trying to dodge “fussing and fighting” and the pain of rejection. But once I undertook counseling and self-development I came to understand, value and trust mySELF.  And that gave me the confidence to tell people: I am who I am (by the grace of God) and I don’t NEED you (or anyone) to like me because I like me. And if they have an issue with me … (#pinky finger). In all honesty, if they don’t support you, pay your bills, pr powder your bum… you could probably live without them, though you may not want to… you could make it.

There is a benefit of wearing this type of mask, though. It allows you to hide the REAL you and also delay the inevitable. In other words, the benefits are temporary and fleeting, because once the person that was deceived finds out the truth, the door opens to the very thing you tried to avoid in the beginning. And who’s to say it won’t devastate you more than the original pain. Nine times out of ten you will find yourself starting all over again. Why even go there? It’s a waste of time and energy for what a TEMPORARY FIX? Cut it out! You knowwww you’ve got issues, admit it and get some help! Did you like being hurt? Wearing a mask does a disservice to yourself and to others. Nobody likes a fake, disingenuous, deceitful person. You can start today, fix whatever is broken, take one step at a time, and I promise you, things will be aaaaa-ight  (#alright) Besides there is no “Ahhhhh” like the one you get while living FULLY ALIVE in all your glory! We need to experience REAL you, as unique, quirky, odd, quiet, nerdy, corny, slow, fast as you are!

For more information on People Please get your copy of 4SELF 101 HERE, it’s not just for teens.

Its Me not You

Have you ever liked someone and thought it was all going good until things started tapering off? I hate that, especially when you’re being consistent and giving it all you’ve got. Honestly, it can do a real number on your self-esteem if you are not as strong in your inner-being (SELF) as you thought. Even when you’re strong in your IDENTITY there are times… times when you may feel the universe is depriving you of the things you desire most. Seems like the more basic those things are, the worse you feel… “well what’s wrong with me?”

Let’s be real, sometimes relationships suck! And they suck most when you’ve committed your whole heart, soul, and time, and have invested your hopes and dreams and then… the other person starts trippin.’ I realize every 20 (30+) year marriage has fought through and survived this type of challenge. What is a “Covenant Commitment” anymore, I think they are fading. Now I’m an “always got one bag packed” kinda gal. And yep it’s a defense mechanism that I’ve formed from connecting with far too many emotionally unavailable people (thanx Dad.) This thing has fostered an “If anyone is gonna be shivering and cold (physically and emotionally stripped) due to the dying out of a once blazing fire…” It ain’t gonna be me. In fact, people are amazed at how quickly I move on. Lol, and I have to say this is a dysfunction that seems to serve me well. But, wisdom has taught me to use a method when I meet someone that has potential, called EQUAL ENERGY. It’s another way of saying, match your energy to someone else’s. After all, actions do speak louder than words. Being incredibly careful and reserved, helps you spot predators on the prowl, panty-robbers, guys looking to augment their harem, and those who love the IDEA of relationships but really aren’t able/ ready for one. And when you have boundaries… some people reallllly go to lengths to coax you off of them. This is why you HAVE TO KNOW WHO YOU ARE (and if you’re a believer, Whose you are) AND where you’re going. This queen right here has chosen not to “go that extra mile” until our “ENERGY LEVEL” is balanced (100 to 100). You pull back, so will I. But if you push to go too fast, faster than what’s natural for the zone we’re in… you gonna get slowed down. And if that’s a problem… next.

Face it, some things we want don’t really fit. And not everyone who shows attention to you is dating material. You’ve got to be especially careful when you’re lonely and feeling thirsty. Sometimes a compliment is just that and should be left with ONLY a smile and a thank you. Most times it's the universe’s way of saying “I see you, and you’re looking good.”

At the end of the day, can you look in the mirror and say, God has my best in mind, and He is not withholding it from me? Remembering that when I wasn’t even on His trip, He sent His Son to take lashes and die in my place. THAT’S what gives me VALUE… The King of Kings traded His own life for mine?!!! Mmmmm SMH. So now faith and trust are mine through which I can sober-mindedly determine who is worthy to receive my gifts. For me, it’s God (in all His Glory) that is MOST worthy to receive my unconditional, brakes off, reckless ever-burning love because He has never left or forsaken me. He answers EVERY TIME I called (even at midnight or 3:00 am) He always SHOWS UP for me. He wipes every tear, straightens my spine when I’m bent over, and heals my all wounds (emotional, physical, spiritual). You might say… well he’s perfect, after all… He is God. Yes, it’s supernatural and we can never expect man to be perfect. But men, showing up and being honest (from the beginning) is a great start, the best! Don’t get me wrong, delaying PHYSICAL gratification, is sooo hard, but lowing your standards just to have someone will create more issues than it will solve (#SELF-Esteem) issues.

Esteem yourself as being worthy of the best, know it, repeat it and pamper yourself - that’s SELF-care.

The hardest thing I have ever said aloud is (and I’m not entirely sure that I’ve reached the pinnacle that makes the following statement 100% true, but…) If I never have another whirl-wind long-term romance, I can be satisfied knowing that I am loved right now at the highest level. Cherish and live for the love of people you know love and cherish you. And if that love doesn’t SATISFY you, you’ve gotta ask yourself why. And that place is a good place to fix any cracks. In the meantime Never let anyone else determine your value or worth. … Step up your SELF-care (SELF-Love) thing until you know within yourSELF that you’re better than gold. So, the next time someone says, “It’s not you it’s me” you can say under your breath… “Damn right!” After all that… Never lose hope: Good honest people do still exist, just stay open and be ready to receive those gifts as they come.

If you struggle just know as always, I got some help for you, For Life Coaching, a listening ear or Prayer… CLICK HERE.

Get your copy of 4SELF101 here. It’s not just for Teens.

Fighting Fair

Communication is a tricky thing. Me and first (and second) husband Rico Suave NEVER used to fight. Yes, the same man, you heard me right. I thought it was remarkable even brag-worthy… until I realized that he struggled IN GENERAL with expressing himself. It only became an issue when I found myself having to translate his communication, thoughts and intentions to others. Worn out (and yet continually dissatisfied with our own communication together) I realized this was not a “we fight.” It was not myyyyy responsibility to get his communication right any more than it was to find his way thru life. Every person has a moral obligation and responsibility (first to themselves) to BE who they are and to accurately present SELF to the world. It’s a very immature space where “everything I’m feeling, or what I think which consequently leads to my action (inaction) is EVERYONE ELSE’S FAULT” and not my own. I get it, most of us have been through horrific things in our lives. Both he (Rico) and I hail from overbearingly strict households that were riddled with DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. But how long can we blame what we’ve been through as an excuse to remain immature?

Here’s a question that begs to asked… ‘If a “grown” dude” hated his own father (and stepfather,) pretty much all male authority figures…. ‘Who taught him to be a man?’ ” Well, in his defense… NO ONE, no one taught him to be a man. He built a wall (of distrust, hostility and PRIDE), that prevented him from forming healthy solid relationships and which forced him into the “School of Hard Knocks” where he learned how to SURVIVE (#bloodNguts) - but Not LIVE and love. This may be the hallmark of gang affiliation, but I’ve seen the same characteristics in people that didn’t have the benefit of a loving, caring, nurturing community to grow up in.

Life is funny, you can get on-a-roll and time just passes… but you don’t know what you don’t know until the “STICKS AND STONES (and throwing tantrums) that has always worked - no longer gets your point across. One shouldn’t have to be in a full-on Mid Life Crises, recovering from a heart-shattering break-up or in the throes of a debilitating illness to WAKE UP. The BOOK says, and it’s ALWAYS TRUE,     

“When I was a child I spoke and behaved like a child, but when I became a man, I PUT AWAY CHILDISH THINGS.”

Growing up (physically) but remaining intellectually and emotionally stunted happens … especially as the result of childhood trauma. Afterall, “Being on a roll” (you know just surviving) may very well be THE REASON one may have missed the part that expressing one’s self (in an understandable way) is their own responsibility. Momma used to say… “A closed mouth can’t get fed.” (aka People aren’t mind-readers.) This means if you want/need something… OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY SOMETHING! It’s childish to rely on “hints” or to assume that since someone “has known you forever” that they know what you’re thinking. You’ve heard how bad ASSUMMING is, it makes an ASS of U and ME. Never take for granted that your experience with someone can predict their thoughts and actions. However, if you find that you’re repeating yourself a lot …. THAT’S ENTIRELY SOMETHING ELSE. More than likely, you’re being  manipulated or on the receiving end of Passive Aggressive behavior or Narcissism. And if that’s the case it’s time for a little DAMAGE CONTROL! Get eye-2-eye confirmation that your “serial forgetter” (or confused person) actually understands what you’re saying before giving your boundaries/consequences. You see there will always always be those who you MUST TEACH HOW TO TREAT YOU.  I like to call then bulldozers because they get off on crashing through other’s boundaries and feigning ignorance. Don’t trip though and DON’T LOSE YOUR COOL and “go off.”  Just know it’s their attempt to control what they don’t have authority to.

As long as you have a clear sense of your own IDENTITY, you have AUTONOMY and the ability to live and the authority to reign through life. Stand firm, say what you mean… mean what you say and do the DANG THANG! If, however you are having problems getting a grasp on WHO YOU ARE, and WHAT YOUR PURPOSE IS… I can help, CLICK HERE.

For more information on “Right” Communication, “The School of Hard Knocks” and fighting fair, get your copy of 4SELF 101 here, it’s not just for Teens.