Power of The Strut

Image Source: Getty / Dominique Charriau

People watching is fun, ain’t it? And you can do it anywhere, in the airport waiting on a flight, in a park, at the bus-stop, at a sporting event, in a hotel lobby, at a bar… so it’s not a stretch to acknowledge the fact that at any given time you could be the object of someone’s focus… maybe even their entertainment. And to be honest, I really don’t care because a major endeavor of my life is to have a “consistent walk” which I do for myself, not others… but I’ll tell you what that mean in a moment.

Even though I have studied psychology and I know people, admittedly I’m not a licensed professional and so as a matter of my own personal interests I often seek the knowledge of those who are… We pretty much all know Dr. Oz, right? In his article “What does your walk say about you“ he wrote “people who stomp give the appearance that they are angry and unapproachable, depressed people use more leg lifting rather than propel themselves forward… as if moving forward is a chore and short stride/slow walkers are laid back, calm and understanding.” But included the curious side note that: Researchers who screened clips of women walking with a “relaxed” pace were most likely to be rated as vulnerable targets for inappropriate advances.

Shockingly enough, Dr. Christian Jarret a psychologist and author, corroborated this “slow walk” theory in his article “What your walk really says about you” (bbc.com) by including a quote from serial killer Ted Bundy “I could tell a victim from the way that she walked down the street.” Don’t let me scare you, but your walk is soooo very important. Experts say never go anywhere alone, walk with confidence, have a purpose, and know where you’re going.

WALKING WITH OTHERS

Be mindful of your personal “walk” … This might be the first time some of you have heard of this. But your walk is “The conduct (or the walking out) of one’s daily life.” In other words, when you die, how do you want people to talk about you.  “He lived with integrity” “She was a very angry person” “They were wild and crazy” “She was a very, loving caring person, would give you the shirt off her back” or “He didn’t like or trust people.”  You get my drift, right?

As you know life is full of temptations, struggles, challenges that call us into drama, addictions and even distractions. However, your walk is made much easier, and more fun with a “walking buddy.” Connect to “your tribe,” people who are where you are or where you want to go, get an Accountability Partner or at the very least one really good friend who has seen you at your worst and still loves you; someone you know has your best interests at heart.  

Dr. Oz talks about “walking buddies” this way: “Slow walkers are more likely to be emotional learners or decision makers.” So, walking & talking with another person can help you spiritually, emotionally, and even physically.  And finally, he concludes: “Teach your daughters how to walk in public - upright, aware and confident - it could literally save their lives.” That’s good advice if I do say so. But the one thing I would add is, place purpose as your primary motivation to move forward.

Purpose will give you somewhere to go and somethings to do. If you have a purpose, you’ll move with purpose.  You’ll spend a lot less time just milling about, hanging out, and having too much time on your hands to get into trouble. Aaaaaaaand everyone has a purpose (and gifts to accomplish it.) You just gotta find out what they are. If you answer these 4 questions:  1) What makes you mad in this world that you would change if you could, 2) What would you do if money were no object, 3) What do you like to do and 4) What are you good at?... The journey to find your own purpose will begin.  It’s time to move, let’s go!

There is no STRUT like knowing WHO you are, what you were made for and getting it done!  If you need help getting started, I got you, CLICK HERE

For more information on Purpose and Destiny pick up your copy of 4SELF101 here (It’s not just for teens.)

Power to BE me

How far back can you remember? My earliest memory was from age 1 or 2 years old.  I was sitting on the floor playing with my favorite stuffed animal, a pink bunny with my cousin Nicole next to me.  Smh, it’s funny how I can remember this but not my middle school years. No doubt there was more than a few tug-o-war moments over that bunny.  Whether I was wrong or right, I was always right, lol.  Funny that’s how the immature mind processes things. As long as you give me what is mine all is well. Otherwise “wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Sadly, some “grown” folks still use this tactic as a power play. Uhh, let’s move on (for now.)

My passion is seeing women whole, I guess it’s because I was broken for so long (aaaand didn’t even realize it.) But I find that conversation with other women is often like looking into a mirror. Like my conversations with Cassandra, one of my good friends who came to me with some relationship talk… I scratch my head (& wrinkle brow) noticing that things always end up with “the ball is in his court.” She’s a real go-get-‘em kind of gal in business … but in personal relationships not so much. And I told her, If you say, ”Why would anybody want someone like me” one more time I’m gonna smack her. She is a beautiful, vivacious, intelligent, and fun person. I don’t understand why she doesn’t see it.

And then a flag began to emerge thinking about how she mostly answers my questions with: “whatever you want” or “it’s up to you.” Giving me, as she does others, the power to decide her course. And then suddenly POP! Into my head comes the picture of Princess Imani from “Coming to America,” answering all Price Akeem’s questions with “Whatever youuuu want…” Next thing she’s hopping on one foot and barking like a dog. OUT OF MY HEAD, OUT OF MY HEAD! (lol) Listen, in today’s “Queendom” acting like that might be considered a low SELF-esteem moment. Most American black women I know would say… “Oh no, I would tell that fool to go to hell… bark like a dog?… Pschhhh, that ninja’s crazy.” But I digress… anyway. Somehow, being over accommodating and spoiling (without reciprocity) has become the mask of “a good woman” when the truth underneath it all is, we’ve given our power away due to FEAR of NOT BEING ENOUGH (or fear of rejection or abandonment.)

I try not to go “Flo” like in the Progressive Commercials with my friends and family but asking “non-judgmental” questions and just listening can accomplish more than you could imagine. I found that Cassandra’s father used to call her “nothing” “no good” “stupid” and “dumb” over and over again. Chiseling the message of nothingness, low-value and you’re undesirable and unwanted, onto the hard-drive of her consciousness.  So that every time an opportunity arose, it was immediately shot down by her father’s words in her head.  By the way, he’s passed away… yet his words still have power (control) over her identity… even now. His words have confined her in a box she hasn’t been able to escape.

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE BOX

First of all know, some people must put down others and elevate themselves (OVER their “monkies”) to feel SELF-value. This is super selfish because they never consider the effect it has on their victims (especially children). Yep, words can kill. They can imprison, immaculate, harden hearts, and cause insanity.  But they can also have power to heal, build up, strengthen and restore. Faith comes by hearing, but not just hearing… hearing the right words, life-giving words (for best results use the Word of God to transform your mind.) Let me make that practical for you…

1.   BREAK THE CHAINS: Face what was done and how it made you feel AND THEN FORGIVE THEM

2.   OPEN THE LID: Destroy the word power by “COMING OUT OF AGREEMENT”

3.  STAND UP: Speak Positive Affirmations and compliment your SELF out loud (hearing strengthens faith)

4.   STEP OUT: Set BOUNDARIES and don’t crumble (Use your voice, let your no be NO)

5.   STEADY youSELF: Focus on and strengthen your good qualities

6.   Give yourself a make-over and then STRUT YOU STUFF! Looking good feels good

7.    MAINTAIN IT: Create a SELF-care (me-time) regiment and stick to it  

8.   HAVE CONFIDENCE: Follow your own advice and trust your intuition (Get Help if needed)

9.   BE BOLD: Sharpen your communication skills, and speak up

10. CONQUER: Show up, BE you “In EVERY Moment” and enjoy yourSELF

Yahhhs, get your power back. But it’s gonna fizzle if you struggle with SELF-Identity. For more info on Self-esteem, Boundaries, Monkies, and Self-Care get your copy of 4SELF101 here (It’s not just for Teens).

Next week it’s The Power of the STRUT. Be here or be square and if you need help pulling it together, you know I got you, just CLICK.

Power Struggle

Ever felt helpless? In the next couple of weeks we’ll be taking a look at POWER and the struggle to have or regain it in our lives. Before you say that you’ve never struggled for power, just remember back (if you could) to when you were a toddler fighting over the toy you said was “mine, mine, mine.” This was the time of discovery, as we learned about our immediate world and who we are in it. We tested our boundaries and limits, finding out how much we could get away with was a scientific experiment. Sometimes people let us be “entitled” and other times we threw ourselves onto the floor and had tantrums until … well it was ended with success or bitter failure (and correction.) And memories of success and/or of bitter disappointment framed who we’ve become today and where we currently stand with SELF-power. Sadly some adults still use tantrums to get what they want from others. Anyway, we’ve all got stories, someda I’d love to hear yours, but for now go with me into one of mine…

The day my mom asked “my Pop” for a divorce and he broke her nose was kind of a line in the sand for me. I was between 9 & 13 years old, yeahhhh it was back in the day. We lived in this tiny tiiiiny house and I heard my Mom raise her voice like she wanted to fight, which was not unusual, but because it was still relatively early in the day. I peered out of my room to see what was up. Pop was looking for something on the dresser… but not really. And then I heard her yell “IS IT TRUE?! I want a divorce!” Sheepishly I inched closer and BOOM flailing in my direction Mom fell towards me, and we both hit the floor. Her face smeared blood across the off-white knitted butterfly shirt that I was wearing. Yeah… though it was pretty much the most traumatizing thing to happen in my young life I didn’t freak out. I couldn’t, I was frozen, I mean for all I knew she was actually dying, and I didn’t know what to do (#powerless). She demanded he leave, and the police was called. Just as shocked as we were, he fled the scene before they came. Needless to say, that was the bad ending of another marriage relationship. The ambulance came and took her away, fixed her nose, stitched up her face and life returned to normal-ish.

Deconstructing the moment in my mind, I swear I saw the blow coming in slow motion… but through a kid’s eyes I saw the egregious attack of an aggressive and over the top type person on a passive, now passively aggressive man. There was no doubt who was wearing the pants in this relationship. Well, until he made his point (KAPOW) that she would not control him. Don’t get me wrong, HE WAS (absolutely) WRONG TO HIT HER! I don’t care how much she pushed and poked and baited him. There is such a thing as walking away! But she knew his buttons and she pushed them all until he SNAPPED. Hindsight being what it is, so much more was going on here and who knows how long the frustration was building on both sides. One of the underlying morals of this story is “Hurting people HURT people.”

MiMi and her mother, characters in my book (4SELF101) are very much like me and Lenora. She was a very good example of a strong black woman. She was caring, capable, funny, witty and very very independent. She was the one who wore the pants in her relationships, because she needed to be in charge. But she didn’t understand that in successful relationships, there can only be 1 head of the household. Myles Munroe said “Anything with two heads is a monster.” So, clearly somebody has to back down (or there will be fights… aka power struggles.) Listen, it is sooooo easy to follow in your parent’s footsteps and do what you’ve seen growing up . Or you can just let life happen. Its like being followed by the “sins of the father,” history just naturally repeats itself… UNLESS you intentionally make change. The pendulum of broken relationships can very easily swing from NEEDY to ‘I DON’T NEED A MAN” and right in the middle you’ll usually find “fear of a broken heart” or “fear of rejection” or “fear of abandonment” at the center point. But the common denominator is FEAR. Fear is a catalyst. And giving away your Power or trying to control someone elses is a sure sign of brokenness. Next week lets go get your POWER back… meet me here.

Outside In

In last weeks blog post “Body, Body, Body” we saw and admired the Tight Body. But have you noticed the flood of weight gain and in-home exercise solution ads flying our way lately? Man we’ve always been bombarded by these once a year right after the holidays… but nowww because of COVID (sorry gotta blame just one more thing on it) Peloton, the new exercise mirror, and cell phone fitness apps don’t stop. Its almost unCOOL if you’re not subscribing to something, hhhhhhhhhhh, smh. On the low, low, it really is kinda cool, but it’s all for the enhancement of OUTWARD beauty!  What about our insides - the SELF?

Checking on my online groups, I’m floored by the amount of people that seem fettered to the idea that happiness in relationship starts with “physical attraction.” If you aren’t “beautiful and physically fit” you’re swiped left with a quickness. While outward beauty is beautiful, its only skin deep. Overtime, skin stretches, droops, blotches, and wrinkles and it is certainly not strong enough to support the weight of real relationships. When you see a thing and instantly want it, that’s called lust. Someone who falls in lust, can easily fall back out when appearances change, a once tight figure becomes less fit, bigger, wrinkled… or whatever. And I’m gonna say it… THAT’S SHALLOW., sorry… not sorry. And yes you are right, IT IS MY OPINION, but be honest, wouldn’t you rather have real connection, a ride or die, or a soul mate instead of a cute somebody with no staying power?

Here’s the real issue, because of our unfulfilled needs (and brokenness) we are laid open, sitting ducks for the enemy to tempt, trap and “pick us off.” The funny thing is he levels the same old tired tricks against us, that he’s been using from the the beginning of time. And he has no shame… even tried them on Jesus (and failed) but does that stop him from tempting us with: 1) The Lust of the eyes, 2) The Lust of the Flesh and 3) The Pride of Life (and we keep falling for it.) Instant Gratification is like a cool drink, but it always leaves an after-taste. Building anything on LUST makes as much sense as building a house on the sand… because when the rains and storms come (and they always do) “ish” comes crashing down. And then the scramble is on to put HUMPTY DUMPTY (our broken and bruised SELF) back together again. It happens waay too much.

On top of that, there’s the ENEMY in you, I like to call it The Enemy-in-a-Me, which everyone has. Want proof? It’s the voice that continually loops the message in your head that you’re not ENOUGH or it pushes you, shames you, motivates or coaxes you to do what you know you shouldn’t and then pre-justifies your actions as warranted, necessary or deserved. Every sight, smell and even endorphins are enhanced. Its like a battle for the soul, well… it is. And we continually go around the same mulberry bush until we get frustrated and quit or pass the test and ding, ding, ding go on to the next level.

Just a couple of weeks ago I heard Steve Harvey say on the Strawberry Letter (Radio) “You can’t go outside, to fix what’s inside.” Though talking about infidelity in a relationship, I thought… isn’t that a perfect picture of what most people do to “find” happiness? And that’s the part of Self-Development this post is after! Scooch up close and listen to this: You’re wasting your time searching and searching outwardly to fill “vacuum needs.” You must get answers, wisdom, resources, joy, strength, and direction from a source that can only be accessed/found deep inside of you.  Actually its THE SOURCE, and its the power behind the spark in your spirit. This spark is the “measure of faith” we are all born with. Its what you do with it that makes the difference between life and death. Plug in and get what you need.. or continue to be frustrated and unfulfilled.

So now we’ve come to the end of our ENOUGH series and looook… There a fork in the road. You can go to the left and do what you’ve always done and I promise you, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten. OR… you can continue walking straight ahead, why reinvent the wheel… it’s comfortable here (for now) but future life challenges will make you have to choose anyway in order to move ahead… OR you can come with me to the right, into a space of rest, respite and renewal. There’s sun and water, and a light breeze. But it too is a journey, a place to find. Come back next week and I will show you how to get there and everything you need. “The Oasis”

For more information, on “vacuum needs” see my “FML” blog post series, for Gr8Life Coaching, help with journaling/writing CLICK HERE

Body, Body, Body

I almost started this blog with a Weight Watchers quote, something about being your own best friend or not being your own worst enemy, but instead I settled on this,

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own POWERS, you cannot be successful or happy.” Norman Vincent Peale

And though it may be easier to get disgusted at my fat ankles, I realize that I am much more than my physical flaws. This week we’re talking about the body in all it’s glory.  But I feel like people need to be EMPOWERED, almost given permission to FOCUS less on their bodies and to put more enthusiasm and energy into building who they as a whole. And it starts by VALUING yourSELF. Because what you value, you take extra care of.  You protect, keep safe and place where it can be most appreciated. However, when it comes to SELF we tend to “body shame” and as a result low self-esteem flowers. Health is soooo very important to “HappyLife” but striving to be like Adonis or Barbie is a losing battle, especially if you don’t have the skinny gene, or money to fix it. The world is pushing this workout obsession (especially in January after the holidays ) thanx Peloton, and now the new Workout Mirror…smh. A flawless outward appearance screaming “ALL IS GOOD” means nothing if you’re the walking dead on the inside! I have this friend who works out religiously, he keeps his body looking good, but he’s afraid of the dark and is Identity-challenged, aaaand he wouldn’t know how to keep a good relationship if it fell on him (wink wink.) … i mean full of fear and just stuck emotionally. And then he looks at others like… what’s wrong with you? I be like… dude for real?

There are tons of people out there that put more value on outwardness (appearances and material stuff.) How many people do you know that pride themselves on eating right and looking good but are emotionally jacked and don’t know how to deal with people? You know folks that won’t eat any animal products but sees nothing wrong with using and discarding others? I mean wasn’t it Jesus who said, “Its not what you put into your body that defiles or ruins you, it’s what comes out.” Clearly that means health, being right, is more than what you put in your body because whatever you put in always has a way of coming out (unless you’re stopped up somewhere and that’s a whole nuther blog post, CHECK BACK NEXT WEEK, lol.)

You got to feed your body, yes and good food, pure food is optimum. But equally as important, even more so, is what you’re feeding your mind and your spirit? Are you surfing the net and gorging yourSELF on explicit content, or other people’s nonsense and drama? Are you gaming more than creating? Are you swiping left more than you are connecting to people in real time? Does what you listen to and watch on t.v. numb or inspire your mind? If you feed yourself with junk, guess what will pour out into your world?

We talked about diamonds a couple of weeks ago,,, from coal under pressure to being cut and showing brilliance. And then there’s gold, which has been a commodity and source of value forever. Everyone knows the purer it is the more valuable it is. Think of yourSELF as Gold. Have you notice people that surround themselves with drama and negativity have a lot more issues and stress? Did you know stress and unforgiveness brings on dis-ease and can shorten your life? Rid yourSELF of impurities of these impurities and see how the quality of your life rises.

So, my bottom line is if you’re truly striving for a healthy and happy life, don’t just feed your body well (and exercise) you also must do the same for your mind and spirit. Love, value and honor yourSELF by choosing the right friends, and activities. Guard your heart, guard your ears and your eyes, for what goes in will definitely come out and affect your world. And lastly remember to grow, grow your gifts, use your talents, expand your mind, love more, laugh louder, sing and dance like no one is looking. And never, never dumb yourself down for temporary gratification. Let your beauty shine! You’re more brilliant than diamonds and precious than gold. And you’re more powerful than you know. It’s your POWER to be the best you can be, don’t let anyone take that away from you.  YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Having a hard time seeing/feeling it? I can help, as usual I GOT YOU! Click here

ENOUGH!!

Have you ever seen that movie with J Lo called ENOUGH!!! The character she played was a victim of Domestic Abuse, fearing for her life with no one to rescue her, she basically defended herself in a way that… uh ended badly for him.

There’s a sober part of me (the size of a chihuahua) that says… “Awww he died” but the larger part of me says “That joker had to go!” And it reminds me of the demonic inner voice screaming “on loop” (continuous repeat) “YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.” I guess the movie’s message is more of a Self-Development metaphor… What grand delusion gives you the right to tear me down and create a prison that forces me to remain there? As if you get to define me and determine my worth. And if I don’t comply, I should expect to get beat back into submission or ignored? Oh, no… The Devil is a Lie! I’m sure at her lowest point… through tears she wondered how she got confined to this space. Even though this is only a movie, the sad thing is it’s happening for real somewhere… probably right now. Also happening more than I would like, is how we INTERNALIZE harsh treatment and words (that we can’t get free of) which produces low SELF esteem and SELF-worth.

So I’m starting a series to exorcize those demons of low SELF-worth. There is no way to have a happy life if you are not starting with a well-put together SELF. A healthy SELF is the foundation of everything you want to happen in your life. Soooooo… Lets jump into STINKIN’ THINKIN’ aka your thought life. Nothing makes me grit my teeth like hearing someone say “YOU MAKE ME… ______” whatever, fill in the blank. Let me tell you why…. We give people too much power over who we are. How many times have we approached the “seeking a relationship” place and we show up like we’re the one interviewing for a job? Starting off with a list of things we want, and then we spot an option and then go after it doing whatever is needed to seal this deal? Wait… how did the tables turn? No no, we need to go in strong knowing … not knowing but “BEING me” (who you really are.) But you have to be alright with who you are, first.

If I’m not presenting the best me I can be, doesn’t it make sense to close it down (whatever it is) and pull it all together before exposing myself to the elements? Demons, negativity… bad energy is attracted by BROKENNESS. If you are thirsty and your glass is broken, you set yourSELF up for failure (and all the pain that goes with it.) Fix your glass first… no even better, get rid of the broken glass and get yourSELF a shatterproof pitcher so that you can get what you need and share the rest.

But the problem we face is working with what we’ve got. And what you’ve got IS ENOUGH, for now – until you can do better. Never let anyone “make you feel” less than. I like to say, “I Am who iam” (by the grace of God) take it or leave it, I DON’T CARE. Why don’t I care, because I need to be the best I can be for me first, so what I’m giving to the world is excellent … and anything good that comes out of that is just gravy. Feel free to adopt it, if you want. But it all starts in your mind. What are you thinking? Are you comparing yourSELF to others, what the world says is beautiful? Thin, blond and blue used to be all the rage… but now the world is saying something different. You can’t be moved by the world or what people say, because people are fickle. You have to know, that your physical make up is mostly genetic even though it’s up to you to exercise and eat right. If you come from sturdy, thick people… GET OVER IT, YOU’LL NEVER BE BARBIE. But you can fix up and work what you got! Address the basics: 1) Keep your body clean and smelling good, 2) Fix your hair in funky fresh ways (or simple, and neat is good), 3) Design your own style of dressing… create a SELF-image that you like and 4) Compliment yourSELF (don’t wait on others to do it.)

How do you overcome a negative SELF-image and comparing yourself to others? Come back next week, that’s where we will start.

For more on The SELF and SELF-concept grab your copy of 4SELF 101 here (its not just for Teens.)

Naughty or Nice

Last week we talked about being “NICE” about sweetness, being kind and “Monkies” (issues.) Nope, I’m not summarizing it, you just have to go back and read it, lol. One thing I will say about “being overly nice” is… IT IS A MASK. Don’t get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a nice person if its organic and genuine. There is a time and place for everything EVEN being “a little naughty”… But when you’re “overly nice” and you end up in spots you later regret or suffer for (over and over again) there’s a problem. For one thing, your SELF esteem takes a beating, you lose SELF-trust and then there’s the “VITAL SIGNS,” that you don’t see but everyone else does. They’re evidence that a monkie is hiding nearby (uh in you.) I like to call this thing the “Jekyll & Hyde” syndrome. Sounds funny? I just made that up but it’s trying so hard to be good but something of you just won’t cooperate. My struggle was the “good Christian-girl” versus the “Bad-Girl” thing. On one side I desired to be pure and chase… but on the other I used to be like (music please) “IIIII wanna sexxxx you up!” This struggle is real even Apostle Paul said,

“What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise… so that my decisions, such as they are, don’t result in (right) actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.” Rom 7: 16-20, MSG

When you’ve been in the “relationship desert” for a while and the “dry patch” has turned into a dusty road like the one from Cali to Vegas… you start compromising your value system for a little fulfillment. Fortunately, The Spirit within is always willing and ready to take the “Superhero stance” inside of you with one hand on a hip and the other outstretched exclaiming “NOT TODAY SATAN!” But instead of nurturing that thing we tend to accept all the little tasty morsels the world has to offer, which by default shrinks the spirit and blows up our fleshly desires to Hulk status. So when just the right temptation comes along its not rocket science to figure out which will win… the spirit or the body? You know the answer and that’s why when Jekyll is finished playing and the lights come on we mostly feel like crap. Unless you get tired of being a hypocrite, doing the same things the same way, those monkies will just keep growing and taking more control.

THE GOOD NEWS

90% of this behavior is subconscious and the other 10% are the rotten decisions you continue to make. Previously I did a 5-post series called “FML” (Fix My Life) which explained “vacuum needs.” In case you didn’t catch the posts, a vacuum need is like a black hole developed when we didn’t receive what we needed as a child. And it can be many needs like attachment, affection, attention, and security – those things that build your IDENTITY and creates a healthy SELF (or not.) Anyhow, these “needs” NEEEEEEED to be filled, or you are subconsciously compelled, propelled to fill the needs on your own. In fact the striving won’t stop, can’t stop until the “black hole” is filled - it’s the feeling that happiness can’t be had until this thing is filled, resolve… made right.

How to FIX this thing

This Jekyll & Hyde thing is as much about your identity as it is about dealing with (ridding yourSELF of) your monkies. The goal is to take off the mask permanently and to be consistently genuinely YOU in every situation. Oh yeah, it’s gonna take a made-up mind, determination and work. This is not a formula and I am not a therapist (ya might want to get yourself one.) But I can coach you. Try this:

1. Forgive yourSELF for all the bad choices and for hurting yourSELF

2. Seek, Knock and Find (Grab a Bible and read Matt 7:7-8 and Jer 29:13)

3. Find your Monkies, and resolve those issues (get professional help if you need to)

4. Set specific boundaries and don’t crumble (but if you do, get up, forgive & try again)

5. Don’t put yourSELF (or follow or go) into those tempting situation

6. Get an accountability partner and do OTHER FUN THINGS.

Get solid on the inside, and you will see the changes outside. And if you need help, as always I got you, click here. For more info on Monkies, Breaking Bad Habits, Boundaries, and SELF-Care, get your copy of 4SELF 101 here (it’s not just for Teens.)