Inner Child 2: Home Sweet "Haunted" Home

7015 Lena was “home” during my growing up years.  Not much to look at, it was in “the county” of  St. Louis, a small town scarcely even heard of unless you lived there or nearby.  Diversity was just beginning, and we were one of the two black families (in the whole area) “lucky enough” to experience it. I can still hear racial slurs flying at me as I walked home from Dairy Queen. Momma, the queen that she was, taught us to strive to be better than that ignorance.

It took some time for this house to feel like home, I am quite sure it was haunted, lol. Not so much like Poltergeist, but I guess it was what happened there that continued to haunt me decades after leaving there. I used to have “Freddy Krueger” like nightmares that drew me back into the thick of things…until I addressed the demons and God healed me. A lil’ brick house, that was so tiiiiiiny I sometimes felt claustrophobic, and it was infested with roaches… (I shiver just thinking about it.) There is nothing worse than eating Raisin Bran cereal only to discover that the box said Kellogg’s Corn Flakes… Gross? (You have no idea!) Believe me “The Tent” was a very welcomed interruption to our lives. And the clean-up…**gagggggg** I can’t even tell you.

I shared a room with my super “BAD” little brother, which I mostly hated except for when Mom and “Pop” (my Stepdad) fought.  We held each other until the yelling and bumping stopped. (I’m semi-old now and I still jump when I hear loud noises.) The door in the kitchen… led down to the back door and out to the garage & back yard. But if you continued to the right, you’d descend into a pregnant scary darkness, that would chill you to the bone. You’d be smart to hit that light first, up by the kitchen door. The previous owner constructed the space into a commercial grade Sports Bar complete with padded leather stools, a pool table, a refrigerator, and wine bottle racks that were anchored into a mirrored wall behind the bar. I’m sure some serious $%@# went on down there… it just felt earie. There was a bottle on the rack that had what looked like a woman’s breast in it. I kid you not! With a signed certificate that said, “I John SoNSo can do anything I want to anyone on my property.” WHY DIDN’T WE CALL THE POLICE?!!! We were young children, and we didn’t know what to do… so we called our friends over who confirmed the incredulous site and we all decided to get give the bottles a proper burial in the backyard.

For me the best part of the house was outside. Going out to play was just what we did.  I mean, after doing homework and chores we’d just disappear until curfew (when the streetlights come on.) Raise your hand if you know somethin’ bout that! Under the pink honeysuckle bush, whose fragrance would fill our room as if calling me to herself. It’s where I’d go to get away from baby bruh. Nestled in the backyard where the fence met the back of the house, there was a space just Lil Anji sized that I’d crawl into and suck the honey from stems for hours. Other times kids filled our yard from all around to play tag, kickball, “Catch one, Catch all” and hide N seek, … but at dusk if you weren’t in the house or on your way home … “your ass was grass!” Lol, I can remember Ms. Kitty doing the rollcall: “Percy, Debra, Demetrius, Denise and Daryl !!!!!!!!!” and seeing the terror in their eyes for what was coming next.

7015 Lena was where I learned about loneliness, relationships, domestic violence and terror but it’s also where I have precious memories of dancing in the darkness (me and all my siblings) to the strobe-lit stereo speakers playing 70’s soul music.  It used to cheer up Momma, when she was depressed, which was often… she’d have a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other.  Even in the dark you could see her blinking, blinking, blinking away tears. We were “house-poor” latch-key kids who often created things to do for entertainment like “beat boxing” (before it was popular) or play-fighting “in SLO-MO,” we’d play cards and board games or roller-skated to music in the garage.  Growing older we’d hang out in the front yard under the big tree (it’s gone now) or on the side lawn until 3am, it was safe to leave your front doors unlocked. It was cool as long as Momma knew where we were. She was super strict, and life was hard sometimes but she, a single parent did something I never could do … have the same home phone number (383-0465) the entire time we were there.  Remember the old landline phone in the hall with the circular dial? Ahhh now that was stability.  Oh well it was the best of times, and it was also occasionally… the worst of times.  

People say, “It’s not good to dwell on the past.”  But I say, do your own visit to the past… don’t get stuck there. Otherwise, how will you know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve come from. Certainly, who you were then has had an impact on the you of today. Visiting your “inner child” and writing down your own story is not only therapeutic but seeing things with mature eyes may catch something missed or change your entire prospective on things that have you stuck and unable to move forward. And dealing with old issues today, sets you up for a better, happier tomorrow. Don’t put if off any longer. And if you need some help…. as always, I got you. CLICK HERE.

Inner-Child 1: Siblings

We all have an inner child.  For a long time, I lost track of mine.  But you know, hhhhhh…. That child’s experiences and the emotions, and antidotes, are to a large degree the reason we are who we are today. Its crazy, I had a hard childhood and I’ve blocked so much from my memory that there are gaps… like for instance, I hardly remember any of my schoolteacher’s names. But in a lot of ways, my childhood was great. We were one of 2 black families in the whole area (and there was racism) but we made friendships that remain to this day.

I think our tiny house was haunted… but “County” living (in what used to be a middleclass neighborhood) let us leave our doors unlocked at night and hang out until the wee hours of the morning on the side lawn, back yard or under the big tree in the front yard (which is now gone). I mostly hated sharing a room with my baby bruh, who would tear up the room in 5 minutes after I spent all day cleaning it. “Mommmmmmmmmm!!!!” I’d scream … and she’d just say 1 of 2 things, “Oh boys will be boys” OR “Don’t you hit my baby.” He was a bad little m-effer and no day went by that we didn’t want to just kill ‘em. Today, he’s the first to admit it too, lol. But! Sharing a room came in handy to get through the “Saturday Night Fights” (Pop arriving home to a very  drunk & angry Mom after partying all night.)  We clung to and consoled each other until the bumps and yelling stopped.

When my 2 older sisters who had lived with my father’s sister, Doris finally came home, I had forgotten they existed. After all they were gone for “temporary” 1-1/2 years.  In that time, we lived with my grandmother, and Mom fell in love, got married and had another baby.  At 3-4 that was practically half of my young life. I was so excited and all I ever wanted to be “one of them.” But I pushed and pushed so much so that I got into things that no elementary school kid should’ve gotten into. Things that made me grow up too fast.  Momma was very strict, and she expected so much… too much from us. After that last fight, the breaking of my mother’s nose and the divorce, the dust began to settle and life got back to normal, until… my big sis Renee refused to attend and graduate from school. I woke up to bumping, Renee was standing up in the tub under the head with Mom’s hands wrapped around her neck.  Next thing you know she was on a plane to California to stay with our uncle. Tired of Mom’s anger and abuse, it wasn’t long until Merel (13) and I (10) ran away (with the help of my aunt Doris) to be with our father also in California. Dad, however, returned us after 6 months and Renee came home too.  And then… life became stable.

But I remember sitting on my “Corner Unit” bed wondering what a “normal life” was like, when a big, wonderful breeze would fill the room with a marvelous, sweet aroma.  In that moment, I knew that someone somewhere loved me and that everything would be alright. Well one day, I just had to know the source of this natural phenomena.  I stood up on my bed and pressed my face to the screen, and I strained to see… and in the bottom of my periphery I saw but just barely, some itty-bitty pink pedals. I put the real estate classifieds aside which I checked every day, I jumped down and I ran straight out the front door.  I made my way down the side of the house and there it was! A honeysuckle bush. I ran to it and buried my face in it. Ohhh! I couldn’t take in enough of its sweetness. The joy I felt upon realizing the roots were on our property! It was nestled in the corner of the  backyard fence that was connected to the edge of the house. I ran through the front door, down the quarter stairs and out the back door and ahhhhhaaaaaa… there it was.  Immediately, I spotted an opening like a little doorway at the bottom and inside I crawled. There was enough room for me to sit up and I stayed there for hours, pulling stems, sucking honey, and reminiscing about my past life. The one where I lived somewhere else… with my daddy. I had found a secret place all my own where I could be safe and I spent many, many, hours there.

You know what?  I can trace all of my adult issues through the lines of this story. I bet if you wrote down, your story (we all have one) that you could do the same. You may see things  (even yourself) in a way you haven’t before.  This is a healing process, one that will bring you strength and joy, so finish it by talking to someone (a professional) who can help you sort it all out. Now… you’re on the way to a HappyLife.

By the way, you’ve just had a sneak peek into my soon coming children’s book series (stay tuned.)

The Bucket List

Part of the whole reason I am screaming this Self-Development thing is because I think everyone deserves a HappyLife. Many years ago, the reason I started working with teens (and wrote 4SELF 101) was because I saw how hard they struggle with Identity.  Knowing that all things come from who you are, the result of the pivotal switch-over woman were making from “housewife” to working Moms, was leaving a whole lot of kids in the crags of SELF-formation. As the old people used to say, “ it was just a crying shame.” For real for real, let me tell you what took me over the edge, listening to a 14-year-old girl talk about “chilling with her boyfriend” (on the couch under covers) and as she said “mom was good with it.” Though my face didn’t show it, internally I was like “WHAT THE HELL?!”

Even as an adult and single mom, I could shake it. Trying to give that mom the benefit of a doubt…I get working all day and “picking my battles” … afterall, wasn’t it better to have the little fast girl home instead of running the streets? Ehhhh, that’s stretching it too far… I can’t … on what planet is it ok to NOT PROTECT your young daughter’s virginity?  And then be the first to holler when she comes up pregnant!! But then it dawned on me, a parent cannot teach what they themselves have not learned. How many teens, do you suppose, are actually raising teens (and winging it as they go along.) This is because they didn’t take the time to develop the SELF before jumping off into life. Ya want to know how to live your best life?  Start by knowing THYSELF and to do that you have to prioritize time to assess and build your SELF. For some of you, you’ll literally need to reintroduce yourself to uh… your SELF.  Coming to know who you are apart from your family, tribe and community is a deep endeavor.  And then there is the discovery  (or rediscovery) of your wants, needs, likes and dislikes… Dealing with your Monkies, inner thought life, and self-talk… You can get your step by step guide in my book, 4SELF 101. Do yourself a solid and finish the SELF work on your own inner-teen before dealing with your kids. Because if you want to know the truth, I’ve dealt with a lot of teens that were more mature than their own parents.

 So, what does this all have to do with “The Bucket List”? The design of your life is molded around your purpose. Everyone has a purpose.  Many of you already have a little listy- list. The younger you are, the more time you have, right? You can “afford” to be spontaneous or to take you time (orrr can you?)  Certainly, older people have to be more strategic, but regardless of who you are and how old/young you are, purpose changes things. Knowing your purpose will change your view and it will help you prioritize (and be more efficient.)  With that being said, YES OF COURSE, you should have crazy, fun, out of the way things on the list to accomplish and experience.  As in Meet Joe Black (Universal Pictures, 1998), “Get some gooood pictures to take with you.“

How your list may change after knowing your purpose:

Before Discovering Purpose:

Bungie Jumping

Backpack through Europe

A Menag’e trois

 After discovering my purpose (Restoring families)

Group trip to Europe (include parasailing, zip-lining and hiking)

Couples Massage

Night skinny dipping (with spouse)

Teaching Parents to spice up their alone time

 Purpose is everything.  And knowing what yours … cuts the fat (time wasters) from your life. Purpose, should guide your choices and goals. The point is, when you get to the exit door of your life and you look back… that last breath should be a satisfying exhale.  

#Noregrets #noshoulda woulda couldas

For more info on getting your Inner-Teen under control get your copy of 4SELF 101 here. If you’re not satisfied with your life I can help, click here.

Girl POWER

If the Girl Scouts motto is “Girls can do anything” it must be true! It is my personal belief that God created man as a reflection of Himself, but then so that Man would not be alone, He created still in His own image … an upgrade, known as WOMB-man aka woman, EVE. To Adam God gave A JOB, and the power of stamina, reasoning, and problem-solving, to complete it, aka MASCULINE ENERGY. And then gave him the physical capacity and authority to get ‘er done! (That’s so sexy). But to Eve (which by the way means, to breathe, to live, and to give life) he gave FEMININE ENERGY.

Neither Masculine nor Feminine Energy, are assigned to a particular gender, they are both sides of who God is. Masculine energy is protective, incredibly focused, linear thinking, creates solutions and is very pragmatic, and logical. Masculine energy is good at setting up structures, creating lines, and coloring within them. Whereas Feminine energy is creative, expressive, nurturing, good at cleaning out/purging, and is amazing with multitasking. But she has another special power and that is her WOMB. “MOVIE FLASH” ever seen “Harlem Nights” (Paramount Pictures, 1989) with Eddie Murphy, Redd Fox, Richard Pryor, Arcenio Hall, and Della Reese? There was a prostitute whose yoni was said to be better than “Sunshine” (paraphrase). You’ll have to watch it to know what that’s all about… Uhhh I don’t have to explain what a “yoni” is, right? … (bugged eyes, pursed lips, head tilt) A woman’s yoni is said to be the gateway of life, but also a portal to heavenly dimensions. Originally created to be a sacred, mystical place of healing, the garden of one’s life mate. Lately, though she’s more seems treated more like a ballpark than the sanctuary she was designed to be. Way too many bats in the cage, bases been run so many times ya can’t find home plate anymore. But… I digress. She’s more subject to “wham-bam thank you ma’am” situations thing than true intimacy. She’s the bountiful and divine banquet that has been reduced down to a “snack basket.”  

Women CEO’s pretty much have to “grow a pair” to “Boss-up” and gain the respect of men in order to lead them. I have mad respect for CEOs like Roz Brewer, Thasunda Brown Duckett, Michell Gass (Fortune.com) or Sami Wunder (also a blogger) who have obviously changed the world by balancing both masculine and feminine energy – and creating a more equitable workspace for all. Now that’s GIRL POWER IN ACTION (the feminine edge.)

From GIRL to WOMAN   

I told my son, “Having a penis no more makes you a man than living in a garage makes you a car.” That means stop playing around and get your life together. Either you are or you’re not. If you’re going to be a man (woman/grown-up) be a good one. Women, walk the walk of a ROYALTY be a Queen, get your “STRUT” on. Anybody can look the part, but who are you really? Nationally-published best-selling author, speaker, Master Life Coach (and my good friend) Debrena Jackson Gandy says be a “Juicy Woman,” which she defines this way:

“A Juicy Woman is committed to having a full spirit, clear mind, open heart, well body, and wisely manages her energy as part of her daily reality. The Sacred Self-Caring Consciousness is a NEW paradigm based in higher-dimension beliefs about her Self, God, her body as a divine living temple, feminine power, and abundance that create an experience of deeper joy, peace, ease, self-expression, freedom and FLOW-ductivity in her mind, body, spirit, relationships and life.”

So how does one move from being what I call “IN HER GIRL” to becoming a “Woman.” The Book says, “When I was a child, I acted like a child but when I became grown (a woman) I put away childish things.” Coming out of “your girl” means you no longer use the old tools immature women do to get what you need. You throw away manipulation, tantrums, or ghosting people when you don’t get what you want. Stop running into situations blindly using emotions or feelings as your guide. And STOP using “womanese” (language only women understand) to communicate with men. We are so hard on “babymen”, but we tend not to do self-assessments… If you are grown, it’s time to move out of “your girl” into Womanhood and take the world by storm! I realize if you’ve come from a long line of “Independent” women, (The I don’t need a man group) where you MUST BE both bread-winner and nurturer to survive, you may have to deal with some issues and LEARN to soften and come away from the instinctive “Boss-up” energy so that you can have successful dating relationships. Just know time doesn’t always heal ALL WOUNDS, there is no shame in getting help. Get closure so that you can move forward for real.

For “Juicy Woman” Coaching, let me introduce you to my friend Debrena Jackson Gandy.  For more information on Communication (and womanese) get a copy of 4SELF101 here (its not just for Teens.)

The Power of Accountability

Last week we talked about the Power of the Strut. Yes, strutting as in “strutting your stuff.” In my mind’s eye I see the glamorous, and divine Naomi Campbell who serves up the essence of the “flawless walk,” mesmerizing both crowd and critic doing what she does in a way no one else can.  Your “gait” (or style of walking) gets you from point A to point B, but the true testament of your who you are for real is displayed by your WALK.  When I refer to your WALK, I’m speaking of your overall conduct… the way you “walk out your life,” which is molded and formed by your Core Values. WALKing denotes, traveling, getting down the road, having somewhere to go, as in “running a race.” The Book says, “Run in such a way that you finish.” Besides the fact that other people (your kids, family, etc.) are watching, one should strive to not only finish, but to finish well.  How do you want people to remember you when you’re gone? I’m sure not a hot mess… lol.

Uhhhh I’m gonna just assume that you do have Core Values (if not I can help you with that later.) Core values are a list of what’s most important to you. They shape your thoughts, intentions, goals and actions. Core Values rank right up there with boundaries, purpose, and freedom of choice. Track with me for a moment: Imagine that you had an out of body experience and your spirit floated so high that you could see your life from beginning to end. I bet you would discover what you “woulda, coulda, shoulda” change, as do most people that come to the end of their lives. Working backward from that point imagine your “best life” and choose your Core Values well.  From time to time recheck them and toss out the Core Values that no longer fit… like the ones we adopt due to trauma and hurt. That have us relentlessly chasing things that seemed important at the time but from the 1000 foot view turn out to be a waste (#monkies).

Because we cannot live entirely alone to ourselves, we need community, family… our tribe, and healthy relationships. Relationships require responsibility, as do all things.  And with responsibility you will find a level of ACCOUNTABILITY. “Accountability” has it’s good and bad points. For those who struggle with authority figures, responsibility/accountability situations, and being (made) accountable … “accountability” in general, Accountability is like a cuss word. The whole idea of it is too much like, “having to explain or justify themselves” AND “getting in trouble” or “being criticized” for doing wrong. This is a form of brokenness that comes from betrayal or abandonment of an original authority figure. For SELF- protection they are always on edge, and suspicious of all other Authority Figures or relationships that require something from them. Accountability can also be rough on leaders. Especially when who they are (their IDENTITY) is tied to what they do. Nice people can turn into control freaks and tyrants trying to protect their ministry, the business they created, even their personhood. Its like getting lost going to a party, but you have too much pride to ask anyone (especially your date/wife sitting next to you) for directions. I’M DRIVING, I GOT THIS!!! (There’s nothing worse than a backseat driver. Lol.) 

Except, accountability is there to HELP YOU!!! Accountability helps you stay straight and on the right track. If your IDENTITY is intact, and strong… you know who you are and what you are called to do, NO ONE CAN take away what’s yours, period. The point is, who are you without that thing?  If you live for the praise, accolades, money and/or power the position gives you, and you’re not sure who you’d be without them? Then you need to step back, really assess things and  separate your BEing from your DOing. Why, because chances are you’ve made that thing into an idol… a god, which you focus all your time, and energy into - so that it will feed your need. (Been there, done that.) The worst thing about that is, you lose yourself and the people that love you suffer for it.  

So, the power of accountability is: 1) The support of others to redirect and correct you, if necessary, makes you stronger (and keeps you from looking crazy.) 2) Being aware and responsible keeps you on your game, 3) It keeps you grounded, and safe from undue scrutiny and conflict, 4) Helps you know where you are and how to communicate that and 5) Helps you perfect your STRUT! (See previous blog)

For more info on Core Values, Accountability, Accountability Partners, Dealing with Monkies get your copy of 4SELF101 (its not just for teens) or CLICK HERE.

Power of The Strut

Image Source: Getty / Dominique Charriau

People watching is fun, ain’t it? And you can do it anywhere, in the airport waiting on a flight, in a park, at the bus-stop, at a sporting event, in a hotel lobby, at a bar… so it’s not a stretch to acknowledge the fact that at any given time you could be the object of someone’s focus… maybe even their entertainment. And to be honest, I really don’t care because a major endeavor of my life is to have a “consistent walk” which I do for myself, not others… but I’ll tell you what that mean in a moment.

Even though I have studied psychology and I know people, admittedly I’m not a licensed professional and so as a matter of my own personal interests I often seek the knowledge of those who are… We pretty much all know Dr. Oz, right? In his article “What does your walk say about you“ he wrote “people who stomp give the appearance that they are angry and unapproachable, depressed people use more leg lifting rather than propel themselves forward… as if moving forward is a chore and short stride/slow walkers are laid back, calm and understanding.” But included the curious side note that: Researchers who screened clips of women walking with a “relaxed” pace were most likely to be rated as vulnerable targets for inappropriate advances.

Shockingly enough, Dr. Christian Jarret a psychologist and author, corroborated this “slow walk” theory in his article “What your walk really says about you” (bbc.com) by including a quote from serial killer Ted Bundy “I could tell a victim from the way that she walked down the street.” Don’t let me scare you, but your walk is soooo very important. Experts say never go anywhere alone, walk with confidence, have a purpose, and know where you’re going.

WALKING WITH OTHERS

Be mindful of your personal “walk” … This might be the first time some of you have heard of this. But your walk is “The conduct (or the walking out) of one’s daily life.” In other words, when you die, how do you want people to talk about you.  “He lived with integrity” “She was a very angry person” “They were wild and crazy” “She was a very, loving caring person, would give you the shirt off her back” or “He didn’t like or trust people.”  You get my drift, right?

As you know life is full of temptations, struggles, challenges that call us into drama, addictions and even distractions. However, your walk is made much easier, and more fun with a “walking buddy.” Connect to “your tribe,” people who are where you are or where you want to go, get an Accountability Partner or at the very least one really good friend who has seen you at your worst and still loves you; someone you know has your best interests at heart.  

Dr. Oz talks about “walking buddies” this way: “Slow walkers are more likely to be emotional learners or decision makers.” So, walking & talking with another person can help you spiritually, emotionally, and even physically.  And finally, he concludes: “Teach your daughters how to walk in public - upright, aware and confident - it could literally save their lives.” That’s good advice if I do say so. But the one thing I would add is, place purpose as your primary motivation to move forward.

Purpose will give you somewhere to go and somethings to do. If you have a purpose, you’ll move with purpose.  You’ll spend a lot less time just milling about, hanging out, and having too much time on your hands to get into trouble. Aaaaaaaand everyone has a purpose (and gifts to accomplish it.) You just gotta find out what they are. If you answer these 4 questions:  1) What makes you mad in this world that you would change if you could, 2) What would you do if money were no object, 3) What do you like to do and 4) What are you good at?... The journey to find your own purpose will begin.  It’s time to move, let’s go!

There is no STRUT like knowing WHO you are, what you were made for and getting it done!  If you need help getting started, I got you, CLICK HERE

For more information on Purpose and Destiny pick up your copy of 4SELF101 here (It’s not just for teens.)

Power to BE me

How far back can you remember? My earliest memory was from age 1 or 2 years old.  I was sitting on the floor playing with my favorite stuffed animal, a pink bunny with my cousin Nicole next to me.  Smh, it’s funny how I can remember this but not my middle school years. No doubt there was more than a few tug-o-war moments over that bunny.  Whether I was wrong or right, I was always right, lol.  Funny that’s how the immature mind processes things. As long as you give me what is mine all is well. Otherwise “wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!” Sadly, some “grown” folks still use this tactic as a power play. Uhh, let’s move on (for now.)

My passion is seeing women whole, I guess it’s because I was broken for so long (aaaand didn’t even realize it.) But I find that conversation with other women is often like looking into a mirror. Like my conversations with Cassandra, one of my good friends who came to me with some relationship talk… I scratch my head (& wrinkle brow) noticing that things always end up with “the ball is in his court.” She’s a real go-get-‘em kind of gal in business … but in personal relationships not so much. And I told her, If you say, ”Why would anybody want someone like me” one more time I’m gonna smack her. She is a beautiful, vivacious, intelligent, and fun person. I don’t understand why she doesn’t see it.

And then a flag began to emerge thinking about how she mostly answers my questions with: “whatever you want” or “it’s up to you.” Giving me, as she does others, the power to decide her course. And then suddenly POP! Into my head comes the picture of Princess Imani from “Coming to America,” answering all Price Akeem’s questions with “Whatever youuuu want…” Next thing she’s hopping on one foot and barking like a dog. OUT OF MY HEAD, OUT OF MY HEAD! (lol) Listen, in today’s “Queendom” acting like that might be considered a low SELF-esteem moment. Most American black women I know would say… “Oh no, I would tell that fool to go to hell… bark like a dog?… Pschhhh, that ninja’s crazy.” But I digress… anyway. Somehow, being over accommodating and spoiling (without reciprocity) has become the mask of “a good woman” when the truth underneath it all is, we’ve given our power away due to FEAR of NOT BEING ENOUGH (or fear of rejection or abandonment.)

I try not to go “Flo” like in the Progressive Commercials with my friends and family but asking “non-judgmental” questions and just listening can accomplish more than you could imagine. I found that Cassandra’s father used to call her “nothing” “no good” “stupid” and “dumb” over and over again. Chiseling the message of nothingness, low-value and you’re undesirable and unwanted, onto the hard-drive of her consciousness.  So that every time an opportunity arose, it was immediately shot down by her father’s words in her head.  By the way, he’s passed away… yet his words still have power (control) over her identity… even now. His words have confined her in a box she hasn’t been able to escape.

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE BOX

First of all know, some people must put down others and elevate themselves (OVER their “monkies”) to feel SELF-value. This is super selfish because they never consider the effect it has on their victims (especially children). Yep, words can kill. They can imprison, immaculate, harden hearts, and cause insanity.  But they can also have power to heal, build up, strengthen and restore. Faith comes by hearing, but not just hearing… hearing the right words, life-giving words (for best results use the Word of God to transform your mind.) Let me make that practical for you…

1.   BREAK THE CHAINS: Face what was done and how it made you feel AND THEN FORGIVE THEM

2.   OPEN THE LID: Destroy the word power by “COMING OUT OF AGREEMENT”

3.  STAND UP: Speak Positive Affirmations and compliment your SELF out loud (hearing strengthens faith)

4.   STEP OUT: Set BOUNDARIES and don’t crumble (Use your voice, let your no be NO)

5.   STEADY youSELF: Focus on and strengthen your good qualities

6.   Give yourself a make-over and then STRUT YOU STUFF! Looking good feels good

7.    MAINTAIN IT: Create a SELF-care (me-time) regiment and stick to it  

8.   HAVE CONFIDENCE: Follow your own advice and trust your intuition (Get Help if needed)

9.   BE BOLD: Sharpen your communication skills, and speak up

10. CONQUER: Show up, BE you “In EVERY Moment” and enjoy yourSELF

Yahhhs, get your power back. But it’s gonna fizzle if you struggle with SELF-Identity. For more info on Self-esteem, Boundaries, Monkies, and Self-Care get your copy of 4SELF101 here (It’s not just for Teens).

Next week it’s The Power of the STRUT. Be here or be square and if you need help pulling it together, you know I got you, just CLICK.