New Day

Have you ever seen the movie Groundhog Day (Columbia Pictures, 1993) with Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell? Yeah it’s a real classic now, lol. Its about a “self-centered” and very frustrated newscaster who had to report on seeing or not seeing Punxsutauwney Phil’s (the groundhog) shadow. Its the ancient ritual, of predicting a shorter winter or whether spring would show up early. SMH, God only knows who came up with that. Antywayyy, after doing the fluff piece, he went to bed only to wake up to the same day over and over again. It must’ve been like “going ‘round and ‘round the mulberry bush” until the mystery is solved and then…. Ding-ding-ding on to the next challenge.

Do you ever wish you could have a “do-over”? Have you ever made a dumb mistake that caused a relationship to crash and burn? Have you overreacted and said or done something you wish you hadn’t? Or are you in the WTF place looking at your life and wondering how you got there? Yeah I think we’ve all been there. sometimes I wish I could redo my life from age 20 to 35. But a very wise person (my sister) said to me, “You wouldn’t be who you are without all the things you’ve been through.” This is true, living the good and surviving all the bad and ugly has developed wisdom, patience and maybe even strategies. Bottom line, if you’ve learned, healed and grown that’s a good thing.

Listen I am a staunch believer in the Law of Seed time and Harvest. Meaning your soul (your mind, will and emotions) is like soil, fertilizer. Let me ask you, what is the condition of your soil? Is it nourishing SELF and others or is it just … well a bunch of SH*# (dung, crap, poo-poo)? What are you pouring in it? Do you mostly feed on negativity like drama, junk TV … or do you veg on dumb, mindless or harmful social media posts and videos? If that’s a yes, no wonder your life is … well not what you want it to be. Its surely a case of “Garbage in, garbage out.” But on the other hand, surviving terrible experiences can make us into bitter, hoarding, mean, angry, impatient, or even narcissistic or prejudiced people. Whatever you do, good or bad – seeds are planted. I’m mean we are planting seeds all the time, every day, everywhere we go… and those seeds grow from plants to trees (with roots) and they create fruit that falls into the lives of those who are closest, our children, family, neighbors, friends, and eventually the community & world.

When we eat and survive off of our own toxic fruit, our own lives decline. Living in hurt, pain, regret or plain ole brokenness are bitter roots and essentially grow miserable and unhappy lives. Imagine that being the legacy you pass on to your kids, and the following generations (I shudder.)

On the other hand… the good news is if you plant good, positive, healthy seeds, you can actually grow yourself a good and happy life. This may go right over your head, but … GOD IS GOOD. The Book says, it is HE that gives us the will and the ability to do (and have) good. God has given each of us the FREEDOM of CHOICE. You could choose today to live differently. As long as you live tomorrow will be a new day.

End each day with a SELF-Assessment. Start a journal. Write down all the things you are not happy with and to change them. And then write down all the things you are thankful for and repeat your list out loud. (#Thank God). Surrender all your negativity to Him and ask for the strength to do better tomorrow. Go to sleep on a good note and then tomorrow, will be a different kind of new day. Wake up THANKFUL for a new day, not everybody woke up… but you did. Be intentional to make today a good one. That means be work to stay on the path of goodness and if you fall off, get back on. Protect your focus, redirect it as often as necessary, be unbothered, forgive often, and be thankful AND DO GOOD TO OTHERS (period. It should not depend on how they act) and smile … you will plant good seeds. But, beware… if you don’t dig up the bad, the ugly the rotten roots, they will choke out your good ones. So… work on that, always work on that. And know time does not heal all things, you may have to get some help (uh the right help… ya may need a professional). There is no shame in that. Look, if you have a rotten tooth, you gonna let time take care it OR operate on yourself? (#head-tilt)

If you find yourSELF struggling, and you need a little help, as always, I got you! CLICK HERE

Four Seasons

Well it’s officially Christmas Season, the time of Peace and Joy. And you know I’m big on Joy. Speaking of SEASONS, I’ve lived in California most of my adult life and there’s mainly just one, hot. I’ve become a weather wimp, I can do 118 like champ, but I’m crying and complaining when it drops below 40 here in GA. But what I love about Georgia is you get to experience all four of the seasons. Autumn is a reprieve, the explosive yellows, oranges and red colored leaves are sort of a reward for surviving the sticky (yucky) humidity filled summer.

I can say, no matter where I am in the world, spring is my favorite. Just a couple of posts ago I talked about the difference between dancing, or getting caught in the rain, which we know washes away the old dried stuff, waters seeds, brings new life and the beautiful flowers we all enjoy. And life is beautiful, at least it was meant to be that way. Even bears come out of hibernation… because the sun seems to be just right.

One thing we know, it takes for seasons (winter, spring, summer and fall) to make a complete a cycle. Life is like that, it has four seasons. Life starts in Spring (the birds and the bees)! Like spring chicks we receive nourishment, education and stimulation to growing. Summer comes, its hot and the frenzy of movement compels us to leave the nest and fly. Its time to build our own lives, get that career, home, start and raise a family and plant seeds for the future. You know… do life. With Autumn comes the second half of the life cycle. We’re cruising now, the kids are about to be grown, retirement is on the radar and what was hot is now cooling off. Old fruit begins to dry and whither away. And finally winter comes. We all know it would. As long as there’s seed time and harvest, the seasons come and go. Time keeps on-a-ticking. For each of us just like in nature the sun rises at birth and surely one day it will set. As they say, two things are for sure: DEATH AND TAXES.

Writer and philosopher Zaid K Dahhaj in his article “Why Understanding the Seasons of Life Will Ease Your Suffering” (2018) says, and I paraphrase:

“In Spring and Summer we celebrate youth, vitality and aliveness. But an endless summer is unnatural. Who you become, the people you nurture and the work you do in the summertime of your life all contribute to the making of your harvest, or your legacy. In the fall of your life, you reap what you sow.”

But you cannot have the next season until you let go of the previous one. Holding onto something that is dying or the past will only stunt your growth and delay your future. Seasons are meant to have a start and finish… so that life can progress organically. This is seen more than we’d like to admit with jobs and relationships. Yeah it’s been fun, but in your “knower” its apparent there’s no future there. And you know one day it’s gonna be time to move on. Year 1 and 2 is great, no kinks, no issues or nothing but half way through year 3, things begin to change. It could be a number of things and “you’re done” or all of a sudden you wake up feeling differently… Yep that should be the beginning of the end, except you keep telling yourself “No responsibility is fun, tho.” But the whisper “Its time to go” continues to nag until the signs, flags, and issues start popping up everywhere (that’s the universe giving you a hint.) To be honest with yourself, you knew this day would come. Have courage to do what you must. Because one thing is for sure, you cannot progress to your next season by holding onto a dying one or to the past. The longer you hold onto a thing, the worse the situation becomes… Its better to release by choice than it is to be forced to let go. Control what you can … and don’t fret the rest. If it didn’t work out, it probably was for you. Or, it was only to be in your life for A CERTAIN SEASON… A season is not meant to last a lifetime.

A HappyLife is made from experiencing, getting the most out of each season. The goal is end your cycle with no regrets (get your closure before moving to the next level). KNOW THYSELF, so you can trust your own intuition. (When you don’t know, pray.) And if you need a little help, as always…

I got you! CLICK HERE

The Bucket List

Part of the whole reason I am screaming this Self-Development thing is because I think everyone deserves a HappyLife. Many years ago, the reason I started working with teens (and wrote 4SELF 101) was because I saw how hard they struggle with Identity.  Knowing that all things come from who you are, the result of the pivotal switch-over woman were making from “housewife” to working Moms, was leaving a whole lot of kids in the crags of SELF-formation. As the old people used to say, “ it was just a crying shame.” For real for real, let me tell you what took me over the edge, listening to a 14-year-old girl talk about “chilling with her boyfriend” (on the couch under covers) and as she said “mom was good with it.” Though my face didn’t show it, internally I was like “WHAT THE HELL?!”

Even as an adult and single mom, I could shake it. Trying to give that mom the benefit of a doubt…I get working all day and “picking my battles” … afterall, wasn’t it better to have the little fast girl home instead of running the streets? Ehhhh, that’s stretching it too far… I can’t … on what planet is it ok to NOT PROTECT your young daughter’s virginity?  And then be the first to holler when she comes up pregnant!! But then it dawned on me, a parent cannot teach what they themselves have not learned. How many teens, do you suppose, are actually raising teens (and winging it as they go along.) This is because they didn’t take the time to develop the SELF before jumping off into life. Ya want to know how to live your best life?  Start by knowing THYSELF and to do that you have to prioritize time to assess and build your SELF. For some of you, you’ll literally need to reintroduce yourself to uh… your SELF.  Coming to know who you are apart from your family, tribe and community is a deep endeavor.  And then there is the discovery  (or rediscovery) of your wants, needs, likes and dislikes… Dealing with your Monkies, inner thought life, and self-talk… You can get your step by step guide in my book, 4SELF 101. Do yourself a solid and finish the SELF work on your own inner-teen before dealing with your kids. Because if you want to know the truth, I’ve dealt with a lot of teens that were more mature than their own parents.

 So, what does this all have to do with “The Bucket List”? The design of your life is molded around your purpose. Everyone has a purpose.  Many of you already have a little listy- list. The younger you are, the more time you have, right? You can “afford” to be spontaneous or to take you time (orrr can you?)  Certainly, older people have to be more strategic, but regardless of who you are and how old/young you are, purpose changes things. Knowing your purpose will change your view and it will help you prioritize (and be more efficient.)  With that being said, YES OF COURSE, you should have crazy, fun, out of the way things on the list to accomplish and experience.  As in Meet Joe Black (Universal Pictures, 1998), “Get some gooood pictures to take with you.“

How your list may change after knowing your purpose:

Before Discovering Purpose:

Bungie Jumping

Backpack through Europe

A Menag’e trois

 After discovering my purpose (Restoring families)

Group trip to Europe (include parasailing, zip-lining and hiking)

Couples Massage

Night skinny dipping (with spouse)

Teaching Parents to spice up their alone time

 Purpose is everything.  And knowing what yours … cuts the fat (time wasters) from your life. Purpose, should guide your choices and goals. The point is, when you get to the exit door of your life and you look back… that last breath should be a satisfying exhale.  

#Noregrets #noshoulda woulda couldas

For more info on getting your Inner-Teen under control get your copy of 4SELF 101 here. If you’re not satisfied with your life I can help, click here.

Life is Calling

I didn’t plan to be “a hoe” or “addicted to drugs” or still living with Mom & Dad at 30. Well… most people who didn’t know, at age 5 years what they planned to be when they grew up, never planned to live a life that they don’t like (or ever worse… hate.)

If you were like me growing up part of a dysfunctional household… that I couldn’t wait to grow up and leave, there was no planning involved.  I just wanted to be of age so that I could have my own life. Dysfunctional can mean so many things.  And I hope you come back more and more so that we can have more dialog about what yours looked like.  But for me, Daddy left when I was 3 and so did my sisters shortly after. When Momma did remarry there was domestic violence, corporal punishment, alcoholism, a sort of mild neglect and often not enough food in the cupboards. My brother used to eat sugar sandwiches… but I digress.

Getting grown was just the stepping block I needed to “freedom.”  But once grown I realized, man! I didn’t know anything about life. Well I knew what not to do, and how not to talk to people and I also knew how to live without a man. But as having the tools that I needed to a happy life… uh one I wanted…  My tool box was empty and I found myself ill-prepared to handle the regular day-to-day struggles that come with grown-up life. That is why I wrote 4 SELF 101, so that people would have somewhere to start.

One day, the sexiest man alive (well in my life anyway) was conversing with me face to face.  It felt like there was no one else in the room except he and I, but the world was all around and passively watching.  And then he asked… “But tell me, WHO ARE YOU, really?” I was about 28 years old and if I tell you I was stuck on stupid, feeling small and at a loss for words it still can’t capture what I felt at that moment… all I could do was cry. That conversation forced me to discover ME, who I really was. One might say “Rediscover who I am” but honestly, I didn’t know who I was.

Its been many years since then, and can I tell you – it took longer than I thought it would to discover ME. REAL self -development is a PROCESS. The first step is to get to know the SELF, and it’s not just the reflection in the mirror. He/She is much more complex. Walk with me… (click the button above to join the conversation.)