LOVE SUPREME

I have literally been obsessed over LOVE for a very long time. I’m not talking about stalking someone due to a break up I wasn’t ready for or that sex was so good that I couldn’t get enough... although I’ve been there too. I’m talking about the whole idea of having and maintaining a healthy love relationship and what makes them tick. I can only guess that it started with the divorce of my parents at around Age 3. What I understand partly from personal experiences and partly from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (see below for the links to blog series) is EVERYBODY needs loves. In fact, there is a “love shaped” void in each of our hearts that need, need, needs to be filled. Loneliness is a real MF-fer (sorry just being real) especially during Spring time, and during cold winters nights. Consequently, the pursuit of love can just take over everything. I’m mean it’s not hard to make “finding love” an idol. When you pour all your attention, your energy, hopes and dreams into a thing it becomes a god in your life. Let me be clear, if the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, even before thanking God for a new day, is check your Instagram, Facebook, TicToc or .... dating app? And you do that religiously… Just saying, that could be worship. I get though, I’m not judging there was a time in my life swiping left or right was my thing, morning noon and night. First thing in the morning, I thanked God for waking me up as I reached for Bumble. Man, I remember when I was out of a job, all that I could think of was getting a new one. I meditated on the situation and money I wanted, location, the duties and the people I could meet… yeah I was obsessed, it was my momentary idol. So, I’m not judging, just calling a spade… a spade.

Anyway, let's get back to the pursuit of love... With COVID, and now Monkey Pox, it’s made it even dangerous to be out there looking. Have you noticed how hard we’re hit with EHarmony’s (ranked 2nd after Zoosk), advertising January 1, as if finding love is the way to start a new year off right (that and working out, so we can attract the new love…) smh. They know EVERYBODY needs love, and the more desperate one gets, they may even pay money for more options. People feel the pang of loneliness and so they seek and seek to fill the void, but the truth is, not everyone has the capacity to have and hold onto healthy love-relationships. Why? Because we are ALL jacked up in one way or another. Who hasn’t been hurt by love? Most girls with the “Absent Daddy Syndrome” give sex hoping it will turn into REAL (and lasting) LOVE (#Agape). I mean if you’re looking for Pragma (enduring love) and you get Eros (erotic), or Storge (family) or Philia (brotherly), for example having amazing sex only to be FRIEND-ZONED, or ghosted… man that stings. And if you have enough toxic interactions/relationships, the damage is like a computer virus on your hard-drive that distorts all memory, making you wonder if good love even exists anymore (#brokenness.) What worse than seeing an old “Playa-Playa” still in the game… you know the one, with his shirt open to his belly-button exposing gray chest hair and a chain (and wearing a pinky ring). Man I just want to say “Fool, go sit your old God-father a$$ down somewhere before you break a hip.” But I digress… There are so many retarded, brain and heart damaged folks (see the last blog post: ) out there serial dating when they have no business looking for the next victim. A person can have 100 different sexual experiences and it doesn’t mean a damn thing if they never end up with REAL and lasting Love. Talk about lonely and bitter! The problem is we know what LUST, but we misunderstand what REAL LOVE is AND we don’t know how to find it. Well lets start from the beginning… Agape is primary and SUPREME to all other forms of love.

REAL LOVE IS….

Unconditional, Consistent and Never ending, its pure, it always hopes for the best. It’s never envious of other people’s good, doesn’t brag about their own achievement or seek their own honor. It builds others up, does not shame or disrespect others their failings, or struggles. Always seeks the best for others. Love never takes offense or is easily irritated. Its patient and kind. It joyfully celebrates honesty. Never takes failure as defeat... it keeps trying and never gives up. Love never stops loving. Perfect love is a SAFE PLACE and it never fails. You can find this list IN A BIBLE (www.bible.com) @ 1 Cor 13:3-7

And NEXT WEEK I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO CAPTURE AND KEEP IT FOREVER.

4SELF Blog Series: Hierarchy of NEEDS

Blah Blah Blah: Mouth to Ear Dis0ease, Danger Danger Hmmmm, Love Me Long Time, Shattered and Unworthy, Self Aware

Erotic Love

MMMmmmm lets talk a little Eros, erotic love. I read this:

“Romance is not in my repertoire, Eva. But 1000 ways to make you come is. Let me show you.” (Quote from Sylvia Day’s erotic novel “Bared to you”)

Let me tell you how that makes me feel… all tingly inside. But continuing with our discussion, its only obvious that sex, even if it’s toe-curling, lip-biting, sheet-grabbing, orgasmic, mind-blowing sex… it does not equate to REAL LOVE. If you have the life-altering experience of that kind of sex, it SHOULD change you, it’s designed that way. Sex is a very powerful thing, just ask any Connoisseur of sex whose skills in the Art of Love-making create addicts. We won’t go into how they seek vulnerable people to self-medicate their own brokenness, for now.

Sex, however good or not, was designed to transform two people, into one. It was originally intended to be the glue of a life-partnership. So yeah, good sex, is addictive. Let me say this… I wish people that have no interest in committed relationships would stop calling sex “love-making” because their purpose is to “get off” not create love. And it’s that type of spirit that has reduced the beautiful, intimate and romantic act of “life-locking” into this common-place extraction of endorphins. Sex has become a social drug and “pushers,” (those who exchange without feelings) find the obsession of others both a blessing and a curse… depending on the situation. I feel the same way about them that I do pan-handlers and addicts begging on the street for money (I am not a fan.) I guess it matters because I want to straighten something out… and that’s how males and females handle “casual sex” differently.

You see although I don’t have an inside tract on how males feel, I think females have a harder time getting over “just sex.” The first time is memorable for mostly everyone but for the most part, dudes can just go home and wash away the experience with a shower. Why it’s different for females is that when a male enters her womb, a secret space (a sort of Pandora's box) – the center of her being a spiritual door is opened, a connection is made, and a piece of him/them stays even after the physical person leaves. If it was mind-blowing great sex, she’ll crave it from him again, and again and again. But the part I don’t want you to miss is ITS A SPIRITUAL CONNECTION. Whether she agrees to a “no strings attached” kinda thing – the war still rages on internally (emotionally, physically, intellectually.) Sure, people can turn it all off, or purposely stop the wanting… but the fact remains every time sex happens a little DNA is left behind (learned that in the Sex Education class in school.) Because “everybody is doing it” (seemingly) its an anomaly to be an old virgin. And so the only way to stifle the emotional connection is to desensitize, which you must do in order to have multiple sexual partners. SMH

Don’t get me wrong, I love sex. It does a body good. If it’s done right… there are no words that can express how it can make a person feel. And everybody wants to wanted, to be doted on, to be the object of a healthy obsession... but for real for real, most people just want to be loved. The problem is, people nowadays seem to lack the capacity for committed long-term relationships. The throw away Cancel Culture is killing us. How do you have REAL LOVE where there isn’t REAL commitment and staying power? I get it, people want to be free to do what feels good… yes by all means be sexually freee… express yourself, give and take to your hearts desire, if that make you happy. I’m just saying use it responsibly. Have some morals about yourself. I’m just saying if you’re gonna reach out and touch someone like that, at least be honest and care, for real. But if you want REAL and LASTING LOVE, you gotta go deeper than that.

For more pillow talk, check back next week.