Monsters and Doors

Haunted Houses are fun right? You never know what you might find in the dark and cobwebbed rooms... creepy music, peeling paint, blood, and guts. Oooooo I shiver even now just thinking about it. Fun right... yeah, not so much when you live there. For the last couple of weeks we’ve been talking about the “house” of our body (mind and spirit), and the many rooms we have there that are filled with experiences that shadow our past, control how we think and act in the present and project themselves into our future and causes the “what if” type of fears. #Skeletons-in-our- closets that often torment us and keep us stuck.  

The huge misconception is that demons don’t exist... and that is why we lose, stay stuck, and aren’t progressing because you can’t fight (or exorcise) a figment of one’s imagination. To illustrate a common happening we all overlook:  

I knew someone... ok let me be honest, MY EX-HUSBAND, was afraid of the dark. When we were first married, he used to have NIGHTMARES. He’d toss and turn, and I would hear him laboring to call my name. And in the morning, I’d ask him... Dude, what were you dreaming? He said it was a dark figure (the devil) laughing at him and tormenting him AND HE COULDN’T WAKE UP. So, he would struggle to call my name so that I would hear him and wake him up. Creepy huh? And years later after we remarried (long story) I’d come home from hanging out with the girls to find every light in the house on... he was still scared of shadows and things that go bump in the night. Imagination, ghosts, or something moving in the night? Yes... all of it. Well, I can’t pick on him too much, I don’t like sleeping with my closet open.  

Speaking of doors, we’ve all seen those old scary movies where there was a huge creepy house with those long corridors that got longer and longer when the character was scared and walking through... There was always at least 1 room with a locked door – and the whole story was about finding out what was in there. And to tell the truth, many of us have had experiences that we’ve gotten through and refuse to go there again. So, we’ve locked the door (vowed to never reopen “that wound again”) and have gone on with our lives. But the problem is... there are demons (monsters) behind that door, which stay with you (subconsciously) until you deal with them – EXORCISE THEM.  

Let me give you a chilling fact... strong emotions that we let linger on and fester like:  

Anxiety, extreme fear, shame, envy or jealousy, lust, The Poverty Mindset, rejection, abuse, and extreme anger can open a door to monsters that can come in and control you. For instance, unforgiveness and anger morphs into, hatred, which morphs into wrath and revenge, and finally into... Murder. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re gonna “go postal” or Columbine... but most often people that have been emotionally attacked (where they felt like dying) often go on to do the same to others. My point is, when you experience emotional trauma (that you can't let go of) you open a “spiritual door” to monsters. Like Dracula, he couldn’t come into the house until the poor unsuspecting (and vulnerable) person invited him in (and then he had a “legal right” to dwell there.) Spirits, ghosts, and demons are the same way, it’s warm and cozy in that room... why leave unless forced to.  The problem is, they are there and will hinder your success and moving forward if you let them stay. Eventually, when the right circumstance presents itself, THEY WILL MANIFEST. And when they do, you will find yourself doing and saying things you didn’t intend to. Many of which, you can’t take back. Some people actually “lose time” and actually cannot remember what they did and said... if that’s you, it’s time to clean house. Now, I have to say... this is not something you can do by your ONESY. You must have help. So Imma give ALL of you an assignment. 1) Go back and read last week’s blog, it will give you steps to start. 2) Find someone (with credentials) to talk to such as a Therapist, Counselor, Life-Coach or a (real) Minister with experience in “deliverance ministry” to help you clean house and GET FREE and Lastly, Be Thankful that you have made it THUS far.  

And let that feeling of thankfulness and joy not only carry you into the rest of the holiday season but let it be the pathway for the rest of your life.  

Peace and love Anji 

The Ghost of Regret

Halloween is fastly approaching, even though we don’t wait until then to surround ourselves with things that make us go bump in the night. It seems like we enjoy haunting things... and special effects, stories about exorcisms, and dark magic (tv is filled with witchcraft stuff) are now the norm. And we don’t often talk about real-life things that get a hold on us that we can’t shake. This week we’re gonna open the closet door and get a real good look at one of those things... REGRET. Know what just popped into my head, Gina Davis in Beetlejuice hanging from a rope in the close. Otho opens the door and just pushes her aside and just continues on his mission. That’s regret for you, really there haunting your house, but we just learn to live with it. The problem is most of us don’t really know WHAT regret is, it’s actually:   

“A sense of loss, disappointment dissatisfaction OR a feeling of sorrow or REMORSE for a fault, act (inaction), loss or disappointment.” (Dictionay.com) 

Psychologists and Educators Zeelenburg, van den Bos, Dijk, and Pieters talk about the outcome of several experiments regarding the impact regret has on one’s thought processes in their article “The inaction effect in the psychology of regret” (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, PubMed, 2002). They found more regret was attributed to negative outcomes especially those that occurred due to an action or inaction. And I think we’ve all been there. Raise your hand if any of these applies to you:  

Not buying that stock for that new computer company in the late ’80s / early ‘90s that turned out to be. Microsoft? #regret.  Ever gone someplace that you had a nagging feeling not to and something bad happened? #regret. Ever bought something on Amazon when your electric bill was due, but you weren't sure when and your lights were shut off, #regret. Ever had a hot and heavy chill session and the person turned out to be crazy, #regret. Ever had too much to drink and you chose to drive instead of taking an Uber and you got pulled over by the police, (or worse), #regret. Ever resigned from a job for a new one that turned out to be worse? #regret. Ever spend 5 years of your life in a dead-end relationship? #regret. Ever. Get married and find out you were better off single, #regret. Ever cave to “a crave” and then realize that it wasn't as good as you thought it would be, #regret. Ever not set a boundary and have it used against you? #regret. Ever loan somebody money and they shop, party, get their hair and nails done, dine out and travel but “never have the money to pay you back” #regret. Ever give someone a second chance and they take advantage of you again. #regret. Ever said something in anger that you couldn’t take back, #regret. Yep me too. And then the SELF-talk is crazy... “STUPID, STUPID, STUPID.”  

Professor of Psychiatry Jay Kim Penberthy. With the University of Virginia. Talks about the Psychological effect of regret. And how it can be all-consuming? When we have choices to make and we don't make the right decision and it comes back to bite us in the ass. Some bad decisions we’re stillll dealing with. That thing is like a ghost... haunting us every time we think of it, causing depression, fear... even lack of SELF-trust, which then causes SELF-loathing. I’m telling you REGRET is real. Oh, and the effects are like icy octopus tentacles, fettering you to negative past experiences, paralyzing you in the present, and immobilizing you from moving forward in the future. One good example is dating.  

Past: You’ve had too many toxic or dead-end relationships  

Present: Fear of reacting negativity, Avoidance behavior (or just feeling stuck) 

Future: Sel- Sabotage … just unhappy and don’t know why 

HOW TO EXORCIZE THE GHOST OF REGRET 

I know, regret is kind of hard to deal with, well for 1, it just makes you feel bad. But if you don’t deal with regret, it stays right there, it may be quiet for a minute, but it ain’t going anywhere. But every time a similar situation appears, you will automatically be possessed with the fear of the past reoccurring... And fear don’t let you think straight. Stress and fear, and anxiety just aren’t good for the brain and body. And you want to know what’s worse than that... the guilt that comes with regret. This guilt will make you do things you don’t want to do and say things you don’t mean... just because you don’t want the negativity and hurt from the past to overcome you all over again. So how does one get rid of regret? 

1. Honestly assess the situation  

2. Think about who you were back then (Intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually). And whether you’ve changed or grown up 

3. If you haven’t changed/grown up, you’ve got SELF-work to do 

4. Forgive others for not having your back (if applicable) 

5. Most importantly FORGIVE yourSELF (for action, inaction, or making bad decisions) 

5. Apologize to people you hurt. If impossible to reach, write a letter 

Forgiveness is huge, especially when it comes to SELF. Give yourSELF time, and space to grow and do better. Having the conversation with others will not be easy, but it is tremendously rewarding. Don’t make excuses, just be real, apologize and mean it! You never know what forgiveness will do for that other person. They may be struggling with depression, hurt, guilt, or fear of their own. A real and meaningful apology has the power to free you from guilt, manipulation, and any negative connection. Now... here’s the caveat... If you meant your apology and the other person does not receive it... that’s on them. IT’S THEIR MONKIE – YOU BE FREE! You can’t control how other people feel, but you can move on with your own life!  

The ghost of regret will never go away on its own. Giving it a little time never works. You must address it. And if you need help, as always I got you CLICK HERE. 

For more information on Monkies, Forgiveness, SELF-talk, and getting unstuck get your copy of 4SELF101 right here (it’s not just for teens.)