We all have a story. Many have had horrendous things happen, which they had no control over. Those are the times when its just impossible to forgive. And nothing hurts worse than being hurt or betrayed by someone you trusted. People say… give it some time, time heals all wounds. It’s true, most things after time stop hurting, as long as you leave them alone. That thing may have scabbed over, the redness and puss may have disappeared, but that does not mean it’s all healed up.
Imagine, if you would, having a little backyard that you work so hard to keep groomed. And in the corner, where the fence comes together, very near the back side of your house, is an apple tree. You may not be a fan of apples but its good for food and shade – so you tolerate it. But every season it produces more apples than you can eat, sell or give away. They drop in the roof’s drain, all over the yard AND NOW even into your neighbor’s yard. What are your options? You can pluck all the apples off as soon as they grow. You can ignore the situation and be a slave to constant cleaning and complaints from your neighbor or you can cut the tree back to the stump to delay growth. But over time the apples will eventually return. Funny thing about apples, they are just FRUIT of a deeper problem. And whether you want it or not you’ll be dropping apples in everyone’s yard around you until you fix the problem (#Issues and Monkies).
Sometimes you deserve to be angry, especially when you’ve been taken advantage of or hurt. YOU HAVE A RIGHT to feel what you feel. The truth is you may never understand where the other person was coming from. But holding onto hurt and pain only causes it to morph into anger, then bitterness, wrath and finally turns into the spirit of murder. In other words it creates a kind of poison that creates illnesses/disease and could possibly take you out or cause harm to others. You think enough time has gone by and all is well and then that thing gets bumped. Something feels weird, doesn’t seem right or you see “red flags” … and then …HELLO MONKIES! And you realize the infection is alive and well. There’s your issue yanking your chain and “making” you REACT in ways that surprises even you… like “going clean off” when someone gets on your last nerve, fussing and fighting, avoiding certain people or situations even self-sabotage. Thems your apples… a sign that something deeper is going on.
What really stinks is while you’re still struggling, the person/s that did the deed has gone on with their life. Apparently the issue isn’t hurting them like it’s hurting you. Every time your issue (monkie) is bumped, your thoughts and emotions drive you to respond (react or protect SELF.) You will remain CHAINED to this person and what they have done, UNTIL YOU FORGIVE them and let it go. I know I know, you’re probably screaming “But you don’t know what they did to me!!!” Forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook or say they’re right. It just breaks their control, connection and ability to effect how you feel and act. It releases the monkie so that it’s Maker can deal with it, and what they’ve done. Dropping the chain releases you to receive the healing and blessings you deserve. When you drop the chain you are actually the one who gets set FREE! Don’t worry they’ll get what’s coming to them.
HOW TO FORGIVE THE UNFORGIVABLE
Fully process what has happened (with the help of a PROFESSIONAL counselor, if needed)
Acknowledge what part you played and forgive yourself. (If you were attacked, raped or molested, IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!)
Confront the person. If you are not able to do so in strength (without crying or breaking down) write it down in a letter and send it to them.
Release the chain: Pray or meditate to release all the yuck inside of you and to forgive the offender. Here’s an example of a prayer: “I am hurt and very angry for what ____ did to me and forgiving them is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I need your help. Will you please forgive me for the hate and malice I’ve held in my heart towards them? Please remove it all, heal me, and make me whole again. I release them and they release me. Please deal with what they’ve done and help me go on with my life. Thank you, It’s in Jesus’s Name (the bridge between me and you) that I pray, Amen.” (Remember only God has the power to judge, to change hearts and deal with the soul – yours and theirs.)
For more information on “Monkies” and Forgiveness get your copy of “4 SELF 101” here. If you need help with forgiving and moving forward, I got you (click here.)