We’ve been talking about communication, which is complex enough, with gender biases, and having compassion or not when you speak to others. “Letting people have it” we discovered IS NOT a good form of communication, mainly due to the fact that by the time a person gets there, they’re just ready to dump whatever has been “on their chest” and they have little patience to hear the other person’s point of view… until they’ve said what they NEED to. “Giving someone a piece of you mind” is an aggressive, in-your- face way of confronting an issue… there are better ways. And let me tell you why, someone whose been verbally abused will just shut down on you.
On the other end of the spectrum is the passive communicator - who may be timid, doesn’t want to “rock the boat” or is afraid of backlash (punishment or rejection.) The problem with passivity is that it usually leaves the communicator wishing that they said this or that (#shoulda, woulda, coulda.) Basically, they were intimidated and unable to get their point across. I used to be that way until I got tired of being trampled. Wanna know the real issue here? Passivity equals fear (people-pleasing) or is an indicator of “Broken Fence Syndrome” (problem with BOUNDARIES.) Here’s the thing about boundaries, they protect you if and only if you CREATE, SET and GUARD them. In other words, they can’t work if you set them but don’t enforce them. If whenever your boundaries are challenged you crumble… you’re gonna find yourself feeling abused and frustrated all over again.
Look at your life and determine where you need safeguards. Create boundaries (that you can keep) and “draw a line in the sand.” Make clear in your own mind “the WHY” and look for it… every Tom, Nancy and Harry to challenge them. those fence bulldozers that know as long as there are no set boundaries….. NOTHING IS OFF LIMITS (#everything’s game.) And they pride themselves on applying the right amount of pressure, persuasion, manipulation, guilt, whatever it takes to “make you crumble.” To them its a game. What they’re after is “making things go back to the way they’re used to to.” And they try to make it feeeeel like, you’re the one with “the problem.” But I’m here to tell you… IT’S TIME. It’s time to make your SELF, your desires, God-given destiny and goals PRIMARY! And the first step in right direction is being able to stand firmly on ONE POINT. Start with just one….ONE VALID, VITAL POINT: And become intimately knowledgible about IT. Know the meaning of it and how to communicate everything about it. Know what it is and what it IS NOT. Here POINT #1:
I AM WHO i am (by the Grace of God)
And THEN add to that:
POINT #2: I am worthy of the best in Life.
These two points, are cornerstones in a firm foundation which anyone could build a successful life upon. So you have TWO VITAL Life Points, set a few boundaires protect them… Draw your line in the sand… Set out your “Don’t Stand on the Grass” ssigns… and then be ready to look ANY OFFENDER/trespasser IN THE EYE (without blinking) to say, “Uh uh uh… DOHNT-EEEEEEVEN-TRRYYYYY-IT!“
Serious question though: How does one know what boundaries, rules and barriers to create to SELF-protect, if they are not sure of their own NEEDS/WANTS? That is a good question, ain’t it?! Scooch up close and let me whisper this in your ear… “The way to hold your line is to first know that you have the authority to do so.” Each of us has at least one person in our lives that we would go through the fire and storms for (or with)… you’ve got to be that way with your SELF. And to get there you’ve got to LOVE and RESPECT you. If you are not there… the ONLY WAY to get there is to spend time with yourSELF and either get to know or REDISCOVER who you are. BEcasue the bottom line is and I am sure you’ve heard it a million times… and that is IF YOU DON’T LOVE/RESPECT YOURSELF. The problem many face is that they don’t really know WHAT LOVE IS, or what it feels like. And that, my friend is a reeeeeal issue (#brokenness.)
Drawing a line, making your stance OR setting boundaries ARE ALL MUTE POINTS, if what you are attempting to protect has no value in your eyes…you have value! IF you’re having trouble believing it, lets talk.