So, we’re on this Self-Development journey together you and me… and I want to get naked (up close and personal) figuratively speaking, lol. I wanna share part of my story. (Someday I would love to hear yours too.) I love getting compliments. It makes me giggle when people tell me I’m pretty. But the truth is, I’ve got good genes. My mother was a beautiful queen, classy, sassy, and fierce! AND she had a great personality. Dad was “one of those Cross boys” … I’m pretty sure that meant “fine and popular with the ladies.” He came from, I was told, a long line of “Rolling Stones”, men who were mostly married but had a tendency to wander.
Whoever said “Girls are attracted to guys that remind them of their fathers” was spot on, even if they don’t know it. I’m shaking my head even now as I admit through tighly clinched lips, My Dad “is my type”… minus the “God’s-gift-to-Women” / emotionally unavailable part.
When I was “FLAWLESS” from the time I was 16 to about 24, I loved hearing “damn guhl you fine!” Playing it off with a crooked little smile, I didn’t realize it was feeding something deep inside me. Pschhh, I never have a problem with SELF-Esteem, until I got married and shortly after, pregnant. “Suave,” my young husband, was not unlike my father in that he was light-skinned, had a melt-worthy smile, tight bod, and charismatic personality. An ex-gang banger and formerly abused kid, he was “Overly exposed but underdeveloped” emotionally. Had I taken seriously his offensive but entirely honest statement “I can’t be with a fat girl” I would’ve got the hell out of dodge immediately! But instead, I put on 60 pounds and true to his word he stopped coming home at night. As a result, his mom put me out at 8 months pregnant. The residual feelings of rejection and abandonment left from my relationship with my father re-ignited and almost took me out. To top it off, people in our community kept reporting Sauvé’s way-wandering activities, including, according to one dude, ”seeing Rico on every street corner ‘macking it up’ to finer girls than you.” How’s dude gonna tell on Rico and hit on me at the same time…SMH. I can tell you that my SELF-Esteem life was on E (empty) and the light was flashing, flashing, flashing!!
Although my skin glowed, eyes sparkled and my hair was long, thick, and shiny, I couldn’t stand to see myself in the mirror. I was literally almost twice the woman I had ever been, and I waddled when I walked. I was too much and yet, “not enough” to keep my marriage together and my husband happy. I was angry, hurt and so broken. But then one day God brought Ms. Teal, a lovely, feminine, godly woman, into my life, who restored my SOUL and loved me back to wholeness. Self-esteem, she taught me, was the result of knowing who (and Who’s) you are. Eventually I realized, it’s not what Rico or anyone else thinks of me… ITS ALL ABOUT WHAT I (YOU) BELIEVE. Uh that’s why it’s called SELF-Esteem. You have to know for yourSELF that you are special, lovely, valuable and worth receiving the best in life (and in love.) I now can look myself in the mirror and say … “Guhl, you fine!” (and mean it.)
Struggling with SELF-Esteem often comes from:
1) Deficiency Needs; not receiving the benefits of a healthy parent/child relationship
2) Toxic Relationships and Abuse (Physical and Verbal)
3) Lack of Identity
4) Lack of Purpose
HOW TO FIX LOW SELF ESTEEM
ReachOut.com has a great article: “10 tips for improving your self-esteem” in it they say: 1) Be nice to yourself, 2) Do you, 3) Exercise, 4) Be the best version of you, 5) Nobody’s perfect/everyone makes mistakes, 6) Change what you can, 7) Do what makes you happy, 8) Celebrate the small stuff, 9)Be a pal, 10) Surround yourself with a supportive squad.
Good Read: 7 Transformational Principles for a Healthy Soul by Dr. Rob Reimer
For More information on Self Esteem check out my book: 4Self101
Need help on your Soul Restoration journey, I got you, CLICK HERE