I was a whole daddy’s girl that was left broken and looking… needing a replacement. You know they say… girls marry their fathers. I didn’t initially think that was the case with me, until the common denominator blew my mind! We’ll get to that in a minute. My dad came from a long line of fiiiiine men, you hear me?! I can only imagine my great great great grandpa who was a Native American from the Osage tribe hailing from Mississippi. KING was his name… need I say more? One day, Imma write that story, stay tuned.
Anyhow, Bill and Lenora married young, in high school, I’m sure trying to get away from his strict religious up bring where he shared the glory with 3 other super fine men and 6, yep count em 6 sisters. I’m sure it was more than a little tight … Eventually he went to the military, they traveled around a bit, learned to drink, had 3 daughter, one who died as an infant… and then me. That’s the history… just keepin’ it short. By the way, I’m writing a New York, best-selling children’s book series, send you an invite to the tour soon.
At four Daddy-o bounced and our relationship was never the same. Suffice it to say, I adored that man! And it wasn’t until I was mid-thirties when I got to tell him so.
I have a what I’d like to claim as an award-winning blog series on the Hierarchy of Needs starting with “Blah Blah Blah: Mouth to Ear Dis-ease (2/6/2021). Perhaps I will re-post them, I’d love for you to read them all. Anyway, if I had a theme song that summed my entire life it would be Daughters by John Mayer, 2003. The “vacuum need” that literally robbed my life of sober dating and like oxygen (to the brain) was the void shaped like “NEED-TO -FEEL-LOVED” swallowed, no gulped my self -esteem and self-worth to the point, that there was no me at all unless I was dating someone new and wondering, maybe this one is it.
Well I had no clue that I was broken, actually I quite enjoyed all the attention I got, until I didn’t. In this still impacts by fat count today. If I could just be seen like the “I see you” from Avatar ( ) my soul wouldn’t have been so thirsty for so long. But the truth is, is wasn’t until I felt my lip quiver (with contempt) while looking at a fine light-skinned dude and his cute little family. That was the catalyst to “figure out my problem.”
It’s taken many years, but God finally brought me to the gate of satisfaction… true intimacy. A soul satisfying, cool drink in the middle of the desert, rest in my arms, let me sing to you, wipe your tears, an after running in the heat and sweating like a pig bubbly bath with glass a wine, dimmed lights and jazz kind of nigh … an “ah I’m finally home" after a long long journey type of love.
Bill really stopped being my Daddy after I ran away to be with him (at 10 years old) and he sent me back after 6 months. But my hope to have a relationship with daddy never went away but was never rewarded UNTIL I asked God to be my Father and let me tell you, He’s the best Dad ever! No earthly person could or has ever come close. Yep I’m still a Daddy’s girl but on a hole new level, into the 5th dimension and on and on into infinity.