RESOLUTION BUSTER #1: Find Love

Hey ?! To all my readers thank you for visiting me from all over the world! For those of you that are unsure what 4SELF is about let me just bring you on into the concept, right quick. This is a place not of one person teaching all of ya’ll to be all about yourself, #slefishness... but it’s my way of communicating what it takes to be REAL with one’s SELF and how to present in order to be your unapologetically” your highest best and then presenting that person to the world in all your spaces. In other words to live a fully alive “authentically you” lifestyle. And that looks different for everyone... but, you have to start with being honest first with yourself and then with others. Now when I say UNAPOLOGETICALLY I mean it’s a process of getting there. EVERYTHING WORTH WHILE requires a process or processing... it don’t just BLAM! Happen. So in the process of being unapologetically you, everywhere you go and in everything you do, ya may have to apologize to some people and set relationships straight. I’m just being 100. 

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION #1: Find love 

1st of all let me just say... HELL NAW! To resolutions, we are not doing RESOLUTIONS up in here! And secondly, finding love, is tired... And extremely tiring. Just in all the wrong places, looking, looking, and not finding nothin’! Not finding what you need... anyway. Here’s the thing about looking for love. The more you look, the more elusive “love” becomes. To be quite honest, like we talked about last time... our expectations are so out of whack... God be trying to bless you and you be... (we be) like oh no... look at that nose, or he’s too short, or she’s too fat. We put those expectations or rules in place not just because “we know what we like” but because we have brokenness, fear, or weaknesses that we’re trying to compensate for... rather than do the hard thing and address those issues, we place the onus on the other person to make us happy.  

Yeah, who doesn’t want to be lonely and who doesn’t want intimacy and amazing sex? I know, but the truth is we many of us want what we don’t have the capacity to handle (right now.) I mean we’re just a praying to meet someone to give us romance, intense uforic emotions, and orgasims, but really all we know is LUST, and selfish desire, impatience, and control. Some of us have been hurt so much that we don’t trust good-looking or nice people (or whatever.)  We’re jacked up and in denial. Don’t get offended, and stop playing.... we are ALL jacked up in one way or another. And for some reason, probably mostly fear that people won’t accept us for who are, where we are in our self-development, that we find it hard (impossible for some) TO BE HONEST! Reality Check #1: God (The Universe, Budha, the ancestors, a head of lettuce) or whoever you pray to IS NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU what you’re praying for if you are not ready! To quote my trantrum conversation with God, His response to me was: 

“Why should I give you this person for you to harm them?” They are probably praying for you too. “Shall I give them to you when they (or you) are not ready - To cause more heartache and stress... What good is a half-baked cake?” And I’ve been there before. The right person at the wrong time is no good either, in fact it could be worse. Instead of stressing out about being lonely make INTENTIONS to fill the empty space with people who already loved and want to spend time with you. And then set SYSTEMS and plans in place to do so. For example:  

1. Spend some quality time with your Bestie - Emotional Intimacy 

2. Join an “Inner healing” class or group AND GO (calendar it) - Spiritual/Self-Development 

3. Do whatever brings you joy (Concert, comedy show, shopping, theatre, sports event, etc) and treat or reward someone you know who enjoys your company - Loneliness 

4. Me-time (Get a massage, mani/pedi, buy an outfit or new shoes, etc) - Self-care, #self-love, #rest #relax, #refillm #feedsoul 

And if you need help or suggestions... As always, I got you, CLICK HERE.  

Starting Again

Wanna know something? Being able to start over is a blessing. Although I have to admit, having to start over after a failure, a miserable destructive ending of something you put all your energy into… literally bites (#sux) ... doesn’t feel good. Lol, had to just pull you all in. But no matter howwwww it feeeeels, its still a good thing, or at least it can be, it all has to do with one’s perspective.

There’s a “clumsy me” story that I told my family like 20 years ago that they still laughs until they cry when ONE OF THEM brings up. And just to prove to myself that I am over the total embarrassment of it, I will share with you. When I was in high school a long long time ago, in the 1980’s (the best decade for music), it was a fabulous Southern Cal day and I worked at the busiest high fashion mall in the South Bay, Del Amo Fashion Center (Del Amo Mall as it was called back in the day). Our fashion icons were, Boy George, Cindy Lauper, Madonna, and Michael Jackson. I had this white jacket, I mean it really stood out. With squared off shoulders and layers and I often wore the one glove. Anyway, while riding to work and jamming to Beat It (Michael Jackson) I was picking up speed until the corner of a planter stopped my bike mid-stride. The bike stopped but I didn’t, over the handlebars I went. And I went sliding across the parking lot like coming into home base. It very well could have been a “face-plant” except I was an expert at falling right. Man! On a busy street, but because it was coming up the side of the building I was hoping no one noticed. I got up, dusted myself off, checked for tears in my clothing and began to look around. And right in front of me was the shuttle bus driver laughing his head off. I shook my head, thinking “Anji, you’ve got to be more careful” blushing and feeling real crazy, I waved, got back on my bike and made it to work… on time.

My point is, even if you face plant, get back up and get on the bike again. Here’s the thing tho, in order to make it somewhere, you have to have a vision of where you’re going. The Book says, “Without a vision, people die off, they perish, they cease to exist.” Over time, idleness gives you too much time to stumble and fumble your way through life. I mean folks just be lazy or have no ambition… and they waste their time, talent and life away. SMH. Scooch up close and hear me.

ITS NEVER TOO LATE TO START AGAIN.

You may be scared to death, after failing, being robbed, violated and or abused, or seeing others fail. You may have stage fright, have analysis paralysis or you may just be shy. Even if you have no confidence in your SELF… dang it… FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT! Imma be really blunt with you right now… You cannot make it alone, nor can you figure out “what you were made for.” The ONLY place to discover your purpose is to connect with your Maker and participate in a community of believers (like-minded folks.) And I am here to say, that’s not always easy to do. Who hasn’t been angry with God and angry with people? So many of us have had bad “religious” experiences… and yeah people suck (sometimes). But what people tend to do is stop associating and when they do, they also turn their backs on God too, as if He’s at fault for every bad thing that has happened, essentially “throwing the baby out with the bath water.” But don’t be tricked, God is the only One Who can see beyond what we can. Step #1: Humble yourself and ask. And even if you don’t believe in God (I’m sure you have your reasons) but try it anyway. Just say to the universe… “God if you are real, come into my life and show me the way.” AND BE OPEN! If nothing happens you haven’t lost a thing… but I promise you, something interesting will happen. Resist the temptation to “explain it away” just go with it and keep your eyes open.

Starting over with your eyes open, and trying things you’ve never tried before will begin to paint beautiful colors on the canvas of your life. Life is what you make it. Stop being angry at the world and learn to make your SELF happy. And good things will come. Keep your head up and if you need help… as always, I got you. CLICK HERE

New Beginnings

From where I am sitting, at the receptionist desk in the most beautiful HGTV-fashioned showroom in Atlanta… my job until tomorrow, there is the most vibrant hot pink azelia bush screaming “Im the one to look at!” I mean it’s beeeeautiful, but the bloom only lasts a season.  Soon the tender pedals will whither away (and go dormant) until this time next year… God willing. Can you imagine being told, “Ok that’s enough, shed your glory - you’re done until next season.” Silly me, it just seems painful - not being allowed to shine. It seems like having to stifle a praise song, or expressing emotion or flowing in your passion. I would explode! Or I would be very very angry and screaming inside my head… “Why am I being prevented from being all that I was meant to be?!!!” Just stunted and frustrated!

And then I think of a passage in the book of Job (the book in the very middle of the Bible.) Job is scraping his sores and sitting in a puddle of puss. His children have died in a tragic accident, his friends are drilling him about what he did to deserve all this drama and his wife comes in and says… “Why don’t you just curse at God and die?” (you miserable fool.) This man of faith is really struggling so he begins to complain (#shake a fist at God.) And God then tells him:

“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.” To which Job finally resigns to the fact that God is The Intelligent Designer of heaven and earth and the sustainer of life, and seasons when he said, “Though You slay me, yet will I trust You.”

Clearly we don’t aways get what season we’re are in or more to the point, when a particular season that we hate - will end. Ehhhh hate is a strong word, let me say, a not-so-fun time in our life will end.  What’s with the season that keeps dragging on and on, aaaaaaand on. And we just don’t get the point. But what we fail to remember is here and now, this moment, right here is just a small piece of the puzzle. Seasons come and they go, old things die and new things (previously planted seeds) spring forth. We must realize it’s up to us to process what’s happening and to respond well. For truly our response has a bearing on how long we remain where we are or the number of times we “go around the Mulberry Bush.” Remember the 40 years the Israelites spent in the desert? I think if we could be more organically connected to the source of life we wouldn’t spend decades in the same season.

Trees are so common we miss the beauty of what they represent. Healthy trees shed their leaves annually, each leave vacates a space to make room for a new bud that will burst forth at its due time. Even though the branches seem naked and tree shoot is utterly exposed the roots are still being watered and fed and the whole tree is still growing heavenward- rising higher and higher. And really, how much control does the tree have in this cycle… not much. Trees depend entirely on “Mother Nature” (The Creator and Sustainer of life) and their environment to keep them alive.  

I guess what I’m saying is … Sometimes I wish we could have the strength of a tree to stand regardless of harsh elements, the trust that even though leaves leave, I won’t remain naked. And the trust that God will provide me with everything I need to live and thrive.  And lastly, in season and out whether the elements are harsh, liveable or pleasant, I can continue to raise my arms and voice in praise knowing that I am more precious to God who loved me (and you) so that He gave His only begotten Son to die for me, so that I could live.

“Easter” is not about a bunny, coloring and hiding eggs… It’s about The Christ who literally died, was buried, and Who rose again in 3 days. To you who might call this “Just another nice story” I would say, do your own research.  There are historical records and eye witnesses. All the proof I need is The Empty Tomb. Remember the reason for the season!