I have literally been obsessed over LOVE for a very long time. I’m not talking about stalking someone due to a break up I wasn’t ready for or that sex was so good that I couldn’t get enough... although I’ve been there too. I’m talking about the whole idea of having and maintaining a healthy love relationship and what makes them tick. I can only guess that it started with the divorce of my parents at around Age 3. What I understand partly from personal experiences and partly from Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (see below for the links to blog series) is EVERYBODY needs loves. In fact, there is a “love shaped” void in each of our hearts that need, need, needs to be filled. Loneliness is a real MF-fer (sorry just being real) especially during Spring time, and during cold winters nights. Consequently, the pursuit of love can just take over everything. I’m mean it’s not hard to make “finding love” an idol. When you pour all your attention, your energy, hopes and dreams into a thing it becomes a god in your life. Let me be clear, if the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, even before thanking God for a new day, is check your Instagram, Facebook, TicToc or .... dating app? And you do that religiously… Just saying, that could be worship. I get though, I’m not judging there was a time in my life swiping left or right was my thing, morning noon and night. First thing in the morning, I thanked God for waking me up as I reached for Bumble. Man, I remember when I was out of a job, all that I could think of was getting a new one. I meditated on the situation and money I wanted, location, the duties and the people I could meet… yeah I was obsessed, it was my momentary idol. So, I’m not judging, just calling a spade… a spade.

Anyway, let's get back to the pursuit of love... With COVID, and now Monkey Pox, it’s made it even dangerous to be out there looking. Have you noticed how hard we’re hit with EHarmony’s (ranked 2nd after Zoosk), advertising January 1, as if finding love is the way to start a new year off right (that and working out, so we can attract the new love…) smh. They know EVERYBODY needs love, and the more desperate one gets, they may even pay money for more options. People feel the pang of loneliness and so they seek and seek to fill the void, but the truth is, not everyone has the capacity to have and hold onto healthy love-relationships. Why? Because we are ALL jacked up in one way or another. Who hasn’t been hurt by love? Most girls with the “Absent Daddy Syndrome” give sex hoping it will turn into REAL (and lasting) LOVE (#Agape). I mean if you’re looking for Pragma (enduring love) and you get Eros (erotic), or Storge (family) or Philia (brotherly), for example having amazing sex only to be FRIEND-ZONED, or ghosted… man that stings. And if you have enough toxic interactions/relationships, the damage is like a computer virus on your hard-drive that distorts all memory, making you wonder if good love even exists anymore (#brokenness.) What worse than seeing an old “Playa-Playa” still in the game… you know the one, with his shirt open to his belly-button exposing gray chest hair and a chain (and wearing a pinky ring). Man I just want to say “Fool, go sit your old God-father a$$ down somewhere before you break a hip.” But I digress… There are so many retarded, brain and heart damaged folks (see the last blog post: ) out there serial dating when they have no business looking for the next victim. A person can have 100 different sexual experiences and it doesn’t mean a damn thing if they never end up with REAL and lasting Love. Talk about lonely and bitter! The problem is we know what LUST, but we misunderstand what REAL LOVE is AND we don’t know how to find it. Well lets start from the beginning… Agape is primary and SUPREME to all other forms of love.

REAL LOVE IS….

Unconditional, Consistent and Never ending, its pure, it always hopes for the best. It’s never envious of other people’s good, doesn’t brag about their own achievement or seek their own honor. It builds others up, does not shame or disrespect others their failings, or struggles. Always seeks the best for others. Love never takes offense or is easily irritated. Its patient and kind. It joyfully celebrates honesty. Never takes failure as defeat... it keeps trying and never gives up. Love never stops loving. Perfect love is a SAFE PLACE and it never fails. You can find this list IN A BIBLE (www.bible.com) @ 1 Cor 13:3-7

And NEXT WEEK I WILL TELL YOU HOW TO CAPTURE AND KEEP IT FOREVER.

4SELF Blog Series: Hierarchy of NEEDS

Blah Blah Blah: Mouth to Ear Dis0ease, Danger Danger Hmmmm, Love Me Long Time, Shattered and Unworthy, Self Aware