Hey ?! To all my readers thank you for visiting me from all over the world! For those of you that are unsure what 4SELF is about let me just bring you on into the concept, right quick. This is a place not of one person teaching all of ya’ll to be all about yourself, #slefishness... but it’s my way of communicating what it takes to be REAL with one’s SELF and how to present in order to be your unapologetically” your highest best and then presenting that person to the world in all your spaces. In other words to live a fully alive “authentically you” lifestyle. And that looks different for everyone... but, you have to start with being honest first with yourself and then with others. Now when I say UNAPOLOGETICALLY I mean it’s a process of getting there. EVERYTHING WORTH WHILE requires a process or processing... it don’t just BLAM! Happen. So in the process of being unapologetically you, everywhere you go and in everything you do, ya may have to apologize to some people and set relationships straight. I’m just being 100. 

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION #1: Find love 

1st of all let me just say... HELL NAW! To resolutions, we are not doing RESOLUTIONS up in here! And secondly, finding love, is tired... And extremely tiring. Just in all the wrong places, looking, looking, and not finding nothin’! Not finding what you need... anyway. Here’s the thing about looking for love. The more you look, the more elusive “love” becomes. To be quite honest, like we talked about last time... our expectations are so out of whack... God be trying to bless you and you be... (we be) like oh no... look at that nose, or he’s too short, or she’s too fat. We put those expectations or rules in place not just because “we know what we like” but because we have brokenness, fear, or weaknesses that we’re trying to compensate for... rather than do the hard thing and address those issues, we place the onus on the other person to make us happy.  

Yeah, who doesn’t want to be lonely and who doesn’t want intimacy and amazing sex? I know, but the truth is we many of us want what we don’t have the capacity to handle (right now.) I mean we’re just a praying to meet someone to give us romance, intense uforic emotions, and orgasims, but really all we know is LUST, and selfish desire, impatience, and control. Some of us have been hurt so much that we don’t trust good-looking or nice people (or whatever.)  We’re jacked up and in denial. Don’t get offended, and stop playing.... we are ALL jacked up in one way or another. And for some reason, probably mostly fear that people won’t accept us for who are, where we are in our self-development, that we find it hard (impossible for some) TO BE HONEST! Reality Check #1: God (The Universe, Budha, the ancestors, a head of lettuce) or whoever you pray to IS NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU what you’re praying for if you are not ready! To quote my trantrum conversation with God, His response to me was: 

“Why should I give you this person for you to harm them?” They are probably praying for you too. “Shall I give them to you when they (or you) are not ready - To cause more heartache and stress... What good is a half-baked cake?” And I’ve been there before. The right person at the wrong time is no good either, in fact it could be worse. Instead of stressing out about being lonely make INTENTIONS to fill the empty space with people who already loved and want to spend time with you. And then set SYSTEMS and plans in place to do so. For example:  

1. Spend some quality time with your Bestie - Emotional Intimacy 

2. Join an “Inner healing” class or group AND GO (calendar it) - Spiritual/Self-Development 

3. Do whatever brings you joy (Concert, comedy show, shopping, theatre, sports event, etc) and treat or reward someone you know who enjoys your company - Loneliness 

4. Me-time (Get a massage, mani/pedi, buy an outfit or new shoes, etc) - Self-care, #self-love, #rest #relax, #refillm #feedsoul 

And if you need help or suggestions... As always, I got you, CLICK HERE.