COVID, Covid, covid… COVID, I’m so sick of this mess that’s got us all turned around and upside down.  So many of us are home-school, working from home or victims of shut down, down-sized or altogether closed down businesses as a result of the virus. I’m using this example because its one pretty much everyone can identify with.  We all know safety and security become real issues when the money is funny. There’s nothing more “nerve-wracking” then having to be worried about losing your home, not having food or being able to pay the bills - due to lack of finances! I pray this is not our new normal… things have got to get better.

But imagine if you will, always living in “survival mode” that place of fight or flight heightened by the threat of losing what you have; the things that anchor and keep yourSELF safe and secure.  Have you ever been homeless, the state of not having a place to lay your head, or having a secure place for your belongs and not knowing where you next meal is coming from?  Living in the streets is not a safe place… especially if there are kids involved. They say “Living from paycheck to paycheck” means you are 1 paycheck from being homeless… now think for a moment what it’s like living in poverty.  Living in poverty, as we discovered in previous post “   “ imprints the Poverty Mindset on your internal hard-drive, which often controls your actions from a subconscious level.  But that’s with money. Lets switch gears to SELF-Development and that thing that causes us to live anxiety-driven lives on a regular… This anxiety is not the kind that makes you antsy… it, instead is like a low hum that never stops but is constantly ringing… until you deal with and get rid of it.

I love music, so I will use it as an example.  Have you ever heard a song that took you back to certain memories, like the song your Mom sang at bedtime?  Or for me it was the Disney songs me and the kids sang together while they were little. Experiences roll into our consciousness like those songs and they make us feel a certain kind of way. So hold that visual in your mind as we talk about basic needs being fulfilled or not and how those things either have prepared us or stripped us of the ability to function and have health SELF-lives.

In the previous post “Blah Blah Blah” we talked briefly about the Hierarchy of Needs (Maslow, 1943) and how words and actions between parents and kids help them to be healthy and ready for life and relationships or how it jacks them up. The experiences of a hurt child carry through to adulthood and require lots of SELF-work to reverse ESPECIALLY as when it comes to DEFICIT NEEDS. (Ya got to read the post…) So when a child’s deficit needs for safety and security are met by the caring interaction and communication of their loving, capable, kind parent, a healthy foundation is built. However, if a child’s world lacked safety and security (in any form) the need is left unmet and it becomes a sort of “black hole.” If the parent fails to meet the child need they must learn to cope, which they do by learning to “sucking it up,” self-soothe and move on OR by learning to do without, but while gratification is delayed anxiety continues to build. But this deficit need, this black hole is another vacuum that the adult must fill in order to be happy and complete. And in this case, the Anxious child becomes a Needy Adult. This deficit, however, doesn’t just affect relationships with people, it also affects the relationships that individual has with money and their stuff.” The blog post “FML Part 3: Just Broke” talks ) creates the same type of anxiety (or low hum) that causes need-deficient adults extreme stress when their finances are low and they can’t afford the things they NEED (rent, utilities, cell phone, car, etc) or they REALLY WANT (aka perceived need) such as iPhone 12 or other technology/toys, expensive clothes, “the one” etc.

HOW TO STOP THE HUM

1.       You have to find the hum, discover which deficit-need was not met (find the root)  

2.      Forgive whoever withheld what you needed (healing part 1)

3.      Connect with the Source of Life and get what you need (healing part 2)

4.       See resulting behaviors (the fruit) do the SELF-work to address/correct

There ya go… the SELF-work will take some time and intense intentional focus, don’t allow yourSELF to be distracted by bringing others into your mix.  However, you are already in a relationship, situationship or ENTANGLEMENT, I suggest being transparent with them about your process. The results of this SELF-work is quite SATISFYING, and healing.  It will, will, will bring you closer to the happiness you deserve.

As always, if you need help... I got you, click here.